On the other hand though, I found out my grandmother is on borrowed time more so now than ever before, like the last bit of sand left in an hourglass in other words. Her kidneys are failing and the doctor's can't do anything anymore, it used to be water in her lungs too but now she's getting water or some fluid in her heart too and we can't do anything apparently, we just have to make the most of the little time she has left now.
So its a real shit sandwich, bad news, good news then some ultra deluxe bad news after that lol.
Only 5 months in and I hate this year more than any other year I've had, including the pandemic years, which is really saying something.
Trying to stay optimistic and not give up though somehow, but at this point, I know my family is going to be extremely insufferable, the worst they've ever been by far once she is gone and I'm just waiting for the inevitable, nuclear fallout from them. I don't think my grandfather will last without her either, he's like a massive baby honestly, through his own narcissistic immaturity and selfishness generally, so I suspect he might end up losing him within the year once she's gone too.
It might sound "cold" or apathetic, but I've already had to deal with my grandmother "dying" a few times in the past recent years and I've just grieved through it already, i've already accepted in some way that she effectively is a ghost ironically and we're just on "overtime" to use football or "soccer" terms too. Trying to make the most of the time we have left with her, when most of the family doesn't care either but loves to pretend they do and do the bare minimum, to try to look good and they will turn on the crocodile tears, the lies, the fake drama when she's gone and for the funeral and such.
Even if I lose her today, tomorrow or anytime soon, I'm just glad she was part of my life for so long, that I knew her and got so much time with her too, she's already lived for a fair few more years than she was meant to, just like an uncle of mine, who had cancer and was told he was gonna die within a few months at most at around 73 years old and he stuck two middle fingers up at the doctors and cancer and lived for other 7 like a boss and legend before he finally succcumbed. He didn't give up, he was a real fighter and bastard in a good sense. My grandmother is the same too, shes tenacious and has held out this long so far. She also fought off cancer in the past too.