Hello dear Mafia players, there has been a lot of tumult about me going on in these last few weeks. I want you to read this message of mine so that I can explain how things really stand starting from the beginning. So I implore you, please, take a moment to read it if you can...
After having been banned on NF for actions I'm very ashamed of (so ashamed of that even today after almost 10 years sometimes I try to escape from reality because the actions I committed on that forum taunt my soul), I have been browsing several forums, with WorstGen being my final destination.
At first I interacted with many members inside WG in a very friendly manner and made some friends, and when I signed up to this forum I decided not to change my username because I thought that with my good will I could have managed to expiate my previous actions without acting as if nothing had happened. Unfortunately, when my past actions emerged because some users had known me from past forums, many users on this forum got too scared and too doubtful to still consider me a friend of them, which although legitimate still broke my heart, but I realized that this was my destiny, and I'm a fatalist so I accepted my destiny.
My past actions triggered cyber-bullying against me, predictable right expecially in a big forum? Something that goes well beyond simply calling me out for my actions or despising me for them, and that is the main reason why I have been obsessed with someone (whose username I will not mention out of fairness because my only goal here is to narrate my story and nothing else) for years and I didn't just wake up with it one day... because he was particularly into this kind of behaviour way more than anyone else I ever encountered, as he would bait me or joke about me multiple times presumably just because he thought it was entertaining enough and that I was an absolute meme and that he had a right to behave like that because I was considered very bad and he would have faced no consequences whatsoever doing that on an anonymous forum, with minimal risk of legal repercussions due to its anonymous nature, against a user known for his very bad behaviour and easy to further damage reputation wise, and he made me become super vigilant and fixiated about shenanigans after seeing the guy directly posting stuff about me with his main account, causing me to think about him and what he did each time an unknown user would try to bait me, because I would be afraid that such user was him as a result of the PTSD... and all of this left a mark on me that is hard to forget or forgive even after all these years. When you experience something that scares you on your skin, in first person, it feels different, it can entrap the hell out of you. And I'm dead serious. It's still minor compared to what I did but it helped me realize how it feels to be in an unpleasant situation and so how those whom I wronged on NF might have felt instead in comparison, because women can get more scared than men due to records and because online sexual harassment and stalking are very serious matters, often more than cyber-bullying.
In these few days I have tried to interact with some Mafia players in the AL sama trial thread (both men and women) with the intent to gain some social points to gain acceptance (except for the Dofla matter because it legitimately got me scared but I apologize to him once again for implicating things so recklessly and without taking it to private, it was a big blunder from my part), and I did so without any ill intentions or weird crazy fantasies about women which I have overcome since a long time, but that was still not the best course of action because some people feel legitimately uncomfortable about me and I should have respected that even if I simply wanted to look more human to the group since I know I made significant improvements and the fact I'm still allowed to post on this forum after all these years is proof of that. I still have to work to improve my empathy to a higher level, that is my goal, but in the meantime believe me if you can if I tell you that I understand that some people, expecially women, feel uncomfortable about my presence, and that I'm aware I wronged some in the past, and that this is awful despite I still wish to play this game called Mafia. That is exactly the curse of being a weeb, because what I did is extremely more relevant than this game.
This is my version of the facts and you are free to have your own opinion but I think that if I wasn't detailed enough about my story my version of the facts would not be understood/would be incomplete.
I would like to apologize for all the trauma I caused to you and in general.
What I want to say, lastly, is that Ratchet has his reasons to have me permabanned from this section and this is a goodbye for as long as Ratchet or whomever will rule this section in a future wants/will want so. His principal reason is a lack of fundamental trust towards me which I find to be an acceptable reason. I will be gone from here for as long as the staff wants, in short. Even though I played many Mafia games on this site from 2020 to 2022 without being permabanned and only receiving a temporary ban of a few games as my maximum offence, this is not just about the ability to play Mafia, which I understand.
Thank you very much for your patience and for your time.
After having been banned on NF for actions I'm very ashamed of (so ashamed of that even today after almost 10 years sometimes I try to escape from reality because the actions I committed on that forum taunt my soul), I have been browsing several forums, with WorstGen being my final destination.
At first I interacted with many members inside WG in a very friendly manner and made some friends, and when I signed up to this forum I decided not to change my username because I thought that with my good will I could have managed to expiate my previous actions without acting as if nothing had happened. Unfortunately, when my past actions emerged because some users had known me from past forums, many users on this forum got too scared and too doubtful to still consider me a friend of them, which although legitimate still broke my heart, but I realized that this was my destiny, and I'm a fatalist so I accepted my destiny.
My past actions triggered cyber-bullying against me, predictable right expecially in a big forum? Something that goes well beyond simply calling me out for my actions or despising me for them, and that is the main reason why I have been obsessed with someone (whose username I will not mention out of fairness because my only goal here is to narrate my story and nothing else) for years and I didn't just wake up with it one day... because he was particularly into this kind of behaviour way more than anyone else I ever encountered, as he would bait me or joke about me multiple times presumably just because he thought it was entertaining enough and that I was an absolute meme and that he had a right to behave like that because I was considered very bad and he would have faced no consequences whatsoever doing that on an anonymous forum, with minimal risk of legal repercussions due to its anonymous nature, against a user known for his very bad behaviour and easy to further damage reputation wise, and he made me become super vigilant and fixiated about shenanigans after seeing the guy directly posting stuff about me with his main account, causing me to think about him and what he did each time an unknown user would try to bait me, because I would be afraid that such user was him as a result of the PTSD... and all of this left a mark on me that is hard to forget or forgive even after all these years. When you experience something that scares you on your skin, in first person, it feels different, it can entrap the hell out of you. And I'm dead serious. It's still minor compared to what I did but it helped me realize how it feels to be in an unpleasant situation and so how those whom I wronged on NF might have felt instead in comparison, because women can get more scared than men due to records and because online sexual harassment and stalking are very serious matters, often more than cyber-bullying.
In these few days I have tried to interact with some Mafia players in the AL sama trial thread (both men and women) with the intent to gain some social points to gain acceptance (except for the Dofla matter because it legitimately got me scared but I apologize to him once again for implicating things so recklessly and without taking it to private, it was a big blunder from my part), and I did so without any ill intentions or weird crazy fantasies about women which I have overcome since a long time, but that was still not the best course of action because some people feel legitimately uncomfortable about me and I should have respected that even if I simply wanted to look more human to the group since I know I made significant improvements and the fact I'm still allowed to post on this forum after all these years is proof of that. I still have to work to improve my empathy to a higher level, that is my goal, but in the meantime believe me if you can if I tell you that I understand that some people, expecially women, feel uncomfortable about my presence, and that I'm aware I wronged some in the past, and that this is awful despite I still wish to play this game called Mafia. That is exactly the curse of being a weeb, because what I did is extremely more relevant than this game.
This is my version of the facts and you are free to have your own opinion but I think that if I wasn't detailed enough about my story my version of the facts would not be understood/would be incomplete.
I would like to apologize for all the trauma I caused to you and in general.
What I want to say, lastly, is that Ratchet has his reasons to have me permabanned from this section and this is a goodbye for as long as Ratchet or whomever will rule this section in a future wants/will want so. His principal reason is a lack of fundamental trust towards me which I find to be an acceptable reason. I will be gone from here for as long as the staff wants, in short. Even though I played many Mafia games on this site from 2020 to 2022 without being permabanned and only receiving a temporary ban of a few games as my maximum offence, this is not just about the ability to play Mafia, which I understand.
Thank you very much for your patience and for your time.
beta?
did he do something again?
if he didnt whats going on
So much tea to read