Helping Others Grieve: What NOT to do…
- Don’t feel like you have to constantly be talking. Just being there to listen can help.
- Avoid filling in conversation with outside news. Other topics can overshadow the mourner’s grief.
- Don’t use this as an opportunity to convert your friend or family member to your spiritual beliefs.
- Avoid falling back on cliches to try to console your friend.
- Don’t talk about your own losses or problems.
- Don’t try to take the place of the deceased.
- Don’t impose a time limit on your support.
- Don’t shy away from conversations or stories that involve the deceased.
- Acknowledge the death.
- Refer to the deceased by name.
- Be there to listen. Let the bereaved talk about their feelings. Don’t worry about how you are going to respond, just try to be understanding.
- Allow your loved one to talk about the deceased. Perhaps you’ve heard the story before, but be patient. Remembering can be helpful.
- Let your friend know that you would like to spend time with them when they are ready, but don’t impose on them if they would like to be alone.
- Allow and encourage others to help. It’s important for a grieving person to have a wide network of support.
- Commit to contacting your friend on a regular basis–once a week or once a month.
- Take your friend out to have fun so they can see that life still holds many pleasures.
- Proactively clean, cook, or do other chores. Offering to help is generous and appreciated, but the bereaved are often hesitant to take up volunteers on their offers.
- If your friend remains depressed for a long period of time, find a tactful way to suggest therapy. Many people reject this idea but it can help.
