Big Masturbation is defined as the elements of society which include, but is not restricted to, those enterprises, groups, and cults, promoting the dangerous practice of self rape of one’s own genitalia for the purpose of seminal or vaginal expulsions of bodily fluid, or in short, release.
There is nothing more disgusting than the thought of a teenage girl touching herself. Well… nature agrees too. Jennifer Connery of Hoagland Nebraska was struck by lightning this past Tuesday while masturbating outside behind a tree. “We don’t let our kids masturbate in the home for this very reason so I guess she had to sneak out side” embarrassed father Winston Connery was quoted as saying when contacted.
According to medical experts the moisture between her genitals and her fingertips served as a conductor and caused a lot of damage to nerve endings there is a good chance she will not regain feeling in either. “She is lucky to have only been using two fingers at the time, it could have been much worse” Carol Rogers, pediatric nurse responded. “Right now I think she is just embarrassed that she had to learn a lesson the hard way”
Masturbation is a most deadly sin and children need to be protected from the temptation.
What a country! As God-appointed Americans, we live in a Christian land, founded on Christian morals by non-masturbating Christian heroes. One of the great tenets of this fantastic nation in which we reside is the concept of a free democracy
When masturbators aren’t working (the few that actually have jobs), they are spending their free time violating themselves, content to pay attention only to the newest masturbation technology or pornographics video, completely ignoring current events or world news. How can someone as ignorant as that be allowed to make decisions that affect the rest of us? How could they possibly know that voting Republican is the right choice?
This male anti-masturbation device, known as an “Ouch Pouch,” was once so common you could pick one up at any gas station, just in case that urge hit you while you were pumping gas or cleaning your windshield.
The device is cleverly designed to provide a fool-proof protective steel sheath around the offending member, while simultaneously dealing a punishing jab to the user’s perineum in case a random erection strikes. It was so simple, effective and brilliant at the same time.
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