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Rambles

Rambles

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#106,461
#106,461
Shimotsuki Ghostly said:
@Rambles Here, I did a couple for you now and we can always tweak them and make them better as needed:
FADE IN:

EXT. MARY GEOISE - DAY

The grandiose structure of the Holy Land of Mary Geoise stands tall in the background. The camera then zooms in on a particular building where the Reverie is taking place.

INT. MARY GEOISE - REVERIE ROOM - DAY

Vivi, dressed in her regal attire, sits among the other leaders of various kingdoms who have come for the Reverie. Suddenly, the doors burst open and Pell, the trusted Royal Falcon of Alabasta, enters the room.

PELL: (to Vivi) Princess, we need to talk.

Vivi stands up, feeling something is not right.

VIVI: What's the matter, Pell?

PELL: (in a serious tone) Princess, I have something to confess. I have been a traitor to the kingdom of Alabasta.

Vivi's eyes widen in shock, and the other leaders in the room murmur among themselves.

PELL: (continues) I was working as a Holy Knight for the World Government all this time, and my orders were to fake my death during the bomb attack orchestrated by Sir Crocodile.

Vivi's heart sinks as she remembers the bombing incident and how Pell miraculously survived.

PELL: (continues) My orders were to maintain the facade of loyalty to King Cobra and the kingdom of Alabasta and report everything that was happening to the World Government.

Vivi feels tears rolling down her cheeks as she realizes how much trust she had placed in Pell.

PELL: (continues) And I regret to inform you that I was the one who killed your father, King Cobra, at the Reverie.

Vivi's legs buckle, and she falls to the ground, unable to comprehend the magnitude of Pell's betrayal. The other leaders in the room look on in shock and horror.

PELL: (continues) I cannot reveal who my true master is, but I can tell you that I serve a higher cause that is beyond your understanding.

Vivi looks up at Pell, who looks down at her with remorse in his eyes.

PELL: (continues) I know this may not mean much now, but I want you to know that I truly cared for you and your father, and I did what I did for what I believed was the greater good.

Vivi looks at Pell, unable to speak, and the other leaders in the room remain silent, unsure of what to say or do.

PELL: (continues) I will now surrender myself to the World Government and face whatever punishment they deem fit for my crimes.

With that, Pell turns and walks out of the room, leaving Vivi and the other leaders in stunned silence.

As Vivi arrived at Mary Geoise for the Reverie, she couldn't shake off the feeling of unease that settled deep within her gut. Something was off, and she couldn't quite place her finger on it. The meeting with the other rulers was progressing well enough, but Vivi found herself constantly distracted, her thoughts wandering to the strange behavior of some of the World Government officials.

It was then that she caught sight of Pell, the former captain of the Royal Guards and a trusted member of her father's inner circle, working as a Holy Knight for the World Government. Shock and disbelief flooded through her, leaving her momentarily paralyzed. It didn't make sense. Pell was a patriot, someone who loved Alabasta with all his heart. Why would he betray them?

As the Reverie continued, Vivi's suspicion grew, and she began to investigate Pell's activities in secret. It was then that she discovered the truth - Pell had faked his death during the Alabasta crisis to gain Cobra's trust and had been working as a spy for the World Government ever since. He had even gone so far as to kill her father during the meeting, leaving Vivi reeling with shock and horror.

Pell explained his actions in a voice laced with regret, speaking of the orders he had received from his superiors to infiltrate the Alabasta court. His loyalty was to the World Government, and he had done what he had to do to ensure the safety of his kingdom. He had grown attached to Alabasta and its people, especially Vivi, and had hoped to spare them from the harsh realities of the world.

But Vivi wasn't having it. Her world had crumbled around her, and the man she had trusted most had turned out to be a traitor. She couldn't understand how he could justify his actions, how he could have betrayed the trust of those who had relied on him so heavily.

As Pell was led away, Vivi felt numb, unable to comprehend the magnitude of what had just happened. She couldn't help but wonder who his mysterious boss was, and what they could possibly want with her. But for now, all she could do was mourn the loss of her father, and the betrayal of the man who had been like a brother to her.

If you have any more specific ideas for these @Rambles or if anyone else does, feel free to suggest them.
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Well, have you tried to tweak them already?

As I see it, the AI is using perfect grammar. The sentences are varying in length and complexity, which serve the good reading-flow. What is mentionable however is the scening. As those ficlets are rather short and still need to convey a rather big amount of information, the scening suffers under it. If we are tweaking, then I suppose this should come first.
What is also mentionable is the lack of emotional plausibility and causalty - the AI does not feel and you notice this in the fics. A human touch here would work wonders. here.
 
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