Have any of you ever permanently ended a relationship with a parent before? What's that like

Monkey D Theories

Monkey D Theories

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#1
#1
I feel like I'm going to do that with my mom soon.

She's schizophrenic and refuses to take her medication

But more than that her behavior is pretty abusive. She's really possessive and refuses to treat me like an adult. I graduated college and have a good paying job but she keeps demanding that I quit and move back home with her. When I said no, she basically stalked me for a week and repeatedly bothered me about this.

I'm just kind of tired of this. It feels like no matter what, she will never support me in anything that I do.

One of my really good friends is fixing to get married. He's been in a relationship with his girlfriend for the past 7 years, and now that they're nearly done with college, they're going to try to build a life together. Most of my other friends have also seemed to have found partners and are moving in with them.

I think one of my biggest dreams is to be like my friend who's getting married.

But I've realized that my mother would never support me on this. She demands to be the most important person in my life, despite the fact that I hate spending time with her. She is always paranoid that I have people living in my apartment with me(even though I don't) or that I have a girlfriend(which I don't). According to her, I'm forbidden from doing these otherwise normal things.

I'm fucking tired of being treated like someone's possession. Maybe when I was younger, my mom did support me doing well in high school and getting into a good college. But now it just seems like all she wants is to hold me back.

I recently moved out of a property my father owned. One my mother had open access to. Now I live in a city a few hours away from my parents in an apartment I am renting. But given how much of a negative influence my mother is still having on my life, I'm considering just blocking her, moving far away, and never seeing her again.
 
Malakhith

Malakhith

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#2
#2
I will be honest with you, I don't think your specific situation is still enough to completely stop contacting your mother and I think that, based on your background, you would not like that. Specially if you are close to your mother before. Believe me, after she goes away, her nagging and weird behavior will be something that you would pay everything you had to get back.

I'm not saying that you should move with her or anything like that. But keep enough contact to visit once in a while (or call her once in a while) and try to use your visits to incentive her to take her medication (maybe telling her that you'll visit when she takes it for a month and so on).

Anyway, I hope you think more about this because it's a big step. If you need someone to talk to, you can send a pm. Hope everything goes well.
 
Monkey D Theories

Monkey D Theories

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#3
#3
Malakhith said:
I will be honest with you, I don't think your specific situation is still enough to completely stop contacting your mother and I think that, based on your background, you would not like that. Specially if you are close to your mother before. Believe me, after she goes away, her nagging and weird behavior will be something that you would pay everything you had to get back.
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I do want to do it

I wish she’d just be supportive of me. But I can’t say the nagging is really good for me.

Because it’s always just her trying to convince me her paranoid delusions are real and that I should subsequently quit my job and move in with her.
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Anyways I don’t think I’m going to do anything drastic soon. I like where I live at the moment and I still have friends that live near my hometown.

So I’ll inevitably be in contact with her. But I’m trying to do what you said about limiting my contact and trying to use it to incentivize her to seek treatment.

But I think eventually I’m going to start thinking seriously about finding someone and getting married. And when that happens I just don’t want to have to deal with any more drama from my mom.

I kinda want to create a new family with people who don’t make me constantly feel awful like she does.
 
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Monster Zoro's Tesla Supplier

Monster Zoro's Tesla Supplier

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#4
#4
My mom is unusually obnoxious as well sometimes. But that's just how it is. We all have our highs and lows.
That isn't enough to cut ties with her.
Imo as long as she fed you and clothed you and what not, and didn't try to abuse or molest you when you were younger or anything, she's good.
Even if she didn't go above and beyond for you.
 
Herrera95

Herrera95

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#6
#6
My situation was easy. My dad was a criminal, he got arrested (after threatning the family), he left prison (Brazil...) but until now he didn't reached us personally. He found me on social media when I was 13 years old and tried to contact me at school but couldn't recognize me as the lady on the gate said he stood there since the gates were open and once it was closed he started to complain trying to see me.

He found me on social media again recently (now with 28 years old) and started talking to me (I just ignored him). Never contacted me in real life though.

He used to have a justice order to remain certain distance from my family. I guess it expired and we have to renew everytime we moves, and my mom don't wanna do this because we would have to give our address so he knows where he has to stay away and since justice is a joke here it would be an easy target for him to do whatever he wants.
 
Monster Zoro's Tesla Supplier

Monster Zoro's Tesla Supplier

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#8
#8
Monkey D Theories said:
There really is no “her side”

She was diagnosed with schizophrenia and doesn’t take her meds

As a result her entire life has been consumed by paranoid delusions to the point to where she legitimately cannot comprehend reality.
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Bruh don't leave a schizophrenia patient in the dust like that. She may be annoying, but there's a very real reason for it.
 
Kiiro

Kiiro

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#10
#10
Yeah, leave her. Make your life, she will understand it sooner or later, you cant stop your dreams.

Maybe not erase all contact, but go far away and live, you control your time, dont give her opportunity to control you.

She is stopping you to get a girlfriend too, maybe, I mean maybe you dint feel that confidence to be with a girl since your mom is on your back.

All birds leave the nest.
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Its your life, dont let things stop, go away for some time.
 
Monkey D Theories

Monkey D Theories

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#11
#11
Mathias said:
How do schizophrenic people even live without their treatments ? I thought the pain was unbearable :kayneshrug:
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because she can’t even comprehend the fact she’s schizophrenic

our entire family has spent years trying to convince her that she needs help.

But she believes all her delusions and hallucinations are real and she becomes really combative if you say otherwise
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Monster Zoro's Tesla Supplier said:
Bruh don't leave a schizophrenia patient in the dust like that. She may be annoying, but there's a very real reason for it.
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I’ve tried really really hard to help her

but she doesn’t want it

And she isn’t just “annoying”. She’s actively stalked me to the point to where I needed to get the police involved.

She absolutely demands that I quit my job and move home with her because she’s convinced there’s some grand conspiracy against our family.

I told her no and she just doesn’t accept no for an answer.
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Every single interaction I have with her ends in a screaming match because she makes impossible demands and refuses to accept it when other people say no.

It’s very well beyond what you would consider “annoying parent behavior”
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It’s not even just me, she treats everyone like shit.

She accused my father of betraying her because he doesn’t acknowledge that her delusions and hallucinations are actually happening irl.

Despite the fact that she’s literally unemployed and he’s been taking care of her for years.

She thinks she smarter than everyone and is the main character of reality. That’s why she’s the only one who believes the things she does. Not because she’s mentally ill but because she’s super special.
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Its every single interaction with this person is an argument.

Because they’re literally trying to force their psychosis onto you
 
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Mathias

Mathias

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#12
#12
I already cut ties with a parent. Usually it takes time to finally decide to completely cut ties. But you know there is something that sounds wrong when you say she is mentally ill. People will usually tell you the sick need to be taken care of and they’re right about that.

Monkey D Theories said:
because she can’t even comprehend the fact she’s schizophrenic

our entire family has spent years trying to convince her that she needs help.

But she believes all her delusions and hallucinations are real and she becomes really combative if you say otherwise
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Okay I understand then. But these shouldn’t be the only symptoms, schizophrenia also means extreme pain. I’d be really surprised if she never underwent these phases. I don’t know how the mentally ill are taken care of in your country ( especially the thing about social security )
 
Monkey D Theories

Monkey D Theories

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#13
#13
Mathias said:
I already cut ties with a parent. Usually it takes time to finally decide to completely cut ties. But you know there is something that sounds wrong when you say she is mentally ill. People will usually tell you the sick need to be taken care of and they’re right about that.
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But. There’s only so much you can do for someone who refuses to get help.

it’s like they’re intent on destroying their lives and you can either accept that that is just the natural consequences of their own actions and step away, or try to save them and let them drag you down with them.
 
Monster Zoro's Tesla Supplier

Monster Zoro's Tesla Supplier

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#14
#14
Monkey D Theories said:
because she can’t even comprehend the fact she’s schizophrenic

our entire family has spent years trying to convince her that she needs help.

But she believes all her delusions and hallucinations are real and she becomes really combative if you say otherwise
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I’ve tried really really hard to help her

but she doesn’t want it

And she isn’t just “annoying”. She’s actively stalked me to the point to where I needed to get the police involved.

She absolutely demands that I quit my job and move home with her because she’s convinced there’s some grand conspiracy against our family.

I told her no and she just doesn’t accept no for an answer.
Post automatically merged:

Every single interaction I have with her ends in a screaming match because she makes impossible demands and refuses to accept it when other people say no.

It’s very well beyond what you would consider “annoying parent behavior”
Post automatically merged:

It’s not even just me, she treats everyone like shit.

She accused my father of betraying her because he doesn’t acknowledge that her delusions and hallucinations are actually happening irl.

Despite the fact that she’s literally unemployed and he’s been taking care of her for years.

She thinks she smarter than everyone and is the main character of reality. That’s why she’s the only one who believes the things she does. Not because she’s mentally ill but because she’s super special.
Post automatically merged:

Its every single interaction with this person is an argument.

Because they’re literally trying to force their psychosis onto you
Click to expand...
Honestly I can't really continue this discussion. Shit's just making me sad on top of stuff I'm dealing with.
But she's still your mother, you can't really cut her out of your life, you can try and ignore her and what not but you can't just leave her to rot away in her house.
 
Mathias

Mathias

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#15
#15
Monkey D Theories said:
But. There’s only so much you can do for someone who refuses to get help.

it’s like they’re intent on destroying their lives and you can either accept that that is just the natural consequences of their own actions and step away, or try to save them and let them drag you down with them.
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It’s true. If they don’t seek help. It gets very complicated for everyone.

« the natural consequences of their own actions » is such a wrong thing to say concerning a handicapped person who is being tricked by her own mind…

How do you think to cut ties with her ? I mean, isn’t it enough to live separately ?
 
Bisoromi Bear

Bisoromi Bear

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#16
#16
Monkey D Theories said:
because she can’t even comprehend the fact she’s schizophrenic

our entire family has spent years trying to convince her that she needs help.

But she believes all her delusions and hallucinations are real and she becomes really combative if you say otherwise
Post automatically merged:



I’ve tried really really hard to help her

but she doesn’t want it

And she isn’t just “annoying”. She’s actively stalked me to the point to where I needed to get the police involved.

She absolutely demands that I quit my job and move home with her because she’s convinced there’s some grand conspiracy against our family.

I told her no and she just doesn’t accept no for an answer.
Post automatically merged:

Every single interaction I have with her ends in a screaming match because she makes impossible demands and refuses to accept it when other people say no.

It’s very well beyond what you would consider “annoying parent behavior”
Post automatically merged:

It’s not even just me, she treats everyone like shit.

She accused my father of betraying her because he doesn’t acknowledge that her delusions and hallucinations are actually happening irl.

Despite the fact that she’s literally unemployed and he’s been taking care of her for years.

She thinks she smarter than everyone and is the main character of reality. That’s why she’s the only one who believes the things she does. Not because she’s mentally ill but because she’s super special.
Post automatically merged:

Its every single interaction with this person is an argument.

Because they’re literally trying to force their psychosis onto you
Click to expand...
If I were you I'd be concerned for my safety if you ever do end up getting a girlfriend and your mother finds out.
Malakhith said:
Believe me, after she goes away, her nagging and weird behavior will be something that you would pay everything you had to get back.
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You are describing emotional dependence as the result of abuse. This is NOT normal but rather a mental illness in itself.
Mathias said:
It’s true. If they don’t seek help. It gets very complicated for everyone.

« the natural consequences of their own actions » is such a wrong thing to say concerning a handicapped person who is being tricked by her own mind…

How do you think to cut ties with her ? I mean, isn’t it enough to live separately ?
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And this legit sounds like a troll post
 
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