Yeah but unironically I was thinking about it and if ppl hold themselves to a lower standard there’s less weight from expectations
cuz I set very unrealistic expectations for myself when I play mafia and it really weighs on me
but maybe the bar here is so low it makes ppl unreadable, and maybe my bar is too high that I’m exhausted by the amount of effort needed to clear it, when really mafia should just be a game
I just really wish I wasn’t deluding myself with false assumptions about what ppl expect from me and how they react to my mistakes, cuz I realized a lot of my mafia experience has been me feeling like a liability or that I’m ruining the game with my bad plays, and I end up feeling obligated to play more to make up for my mistakes. Cuz I hate hurting people or making it feel like I’m making the game worse overall for people, so I try my best to play and play well. Unfortunately again I feel very accident-prone and I way exaggerate ppl’s reactions in my mind / assume that ppl are way more pissed off if I make mistakes, so I try super hard not to do that.
it’s something that I discovered is that I’m a bit of a perfectionist, but not in the sense of “I need to be perfect because perfect is awesome”, but literally “I need to be perfect so that I don’t hurt people with my mistakes”
but yeah I think that explains a lot of the reasons I go full tryhard in mafia games at the cost of my own wellbeing and also find it hard to leave, cuz I also have the delusion of “if I leave, the town will fall apart without me and everyone will have a worse time”
sorry for oversharing. The weight i perceive is just too much to hold in sometimes