General & Others Need Help Experiencing OP with My SO
- Thread starter herio22
- Start date
fair enough
The best option - tell her.
And Dr. Rambles could help you with an advice: The first thing I do, when I wan to prepare my partner for something bad to come is, I hint at this somehing. You could for example send her a message via WhatsApp or something alike just stating "Making myself a cup of tea. Sore throat... ." Now, she knows that something made you ill. If she askes about your throat, just play as if it is nothing.
The next step will come, when you are together with her again. And now we get to the important part.
When I want to convey something to my partner, which I know will hurt or affect him/her in a negative way, I wait until he/she is in a mood, with which I can work (a relaxed normal or relaxed good mood - not bad mood; If the mood starts to tip, leave it!). You want to keep that relaxed mood at all costs - do not become agitated or nervous - this leads to the atmosphere to shift into a mood, you do not intent. And she will pick up your nervousness - either conscious or subconscious - and answer those feelings with her own, which could be mirroring your own - emotional contagion. That is the reason, why I always force myself to calm down before conveying something bad.
If you are calm and the atmospher relaxed, the next thing you need to think of is the timing. Timing is very important. If you are telling her the bad thing just before she forces you to read, she will have not enough time to process the information AND her feelings which are a resulting answer to your negative comment. The more time there is between telling her and the next reading, the better.
This is the reason why you want to tell her relatively early during your next date, that you cannot always read for her.
By the way: When you are actually telling her the bad news. You need to categorize what you want to tell her in 2 categories: "Important" (such as: I want a divorce, you need to lose weight, etc.) and "not as important" (your little predicament). The latter can be told in passing or, after you have led the conversaion into that direction. If she refuses to accnowledge it, be quiet and listen. Stay calm, when you answer her that - no, you cannot read always for her - she will pick up that calmness from you, trust me. Even if she acts up - stay calm.
If she loves you, she will understand your predicament. You can also include into the conversation that you love her so much, that you don't want to tell her about it, but as you keep getting a sore throat you do not know, how to tell her. Ask her, if she can give you advice how you could aproach her in the future when a matter such as this arises.
Remember: Bad news should always be told face to face. It gives your partner the feeling that she matters and you can convey much more nonverbally.
And Dr. Rambles could help you with an advice: The first thing I do, when I wan to prepare my partner for something bad to come is, I hint at this somehing. You could for example send her a message via WhatsApp or something alike just stating "Making myself a cup of tea. Sore throat... ." Now, she knows that something made you ill. If she askes about your throat, just play as if it is nothing.
The next step will come, when you are together with her again. And now we get to the important part.
When I want to convey something to my partner, which I know will hurt or affect him/her in a negative way, I wait until he/she is in a mood, with which I can work (a relaxed normal or relaxed good mood - not bad mood; If the mood starts to tip, leave it!). You want to keep that relaxed mood at all costs - do not become agitated or nervous - this leads to the atmosphere to shift into a mood, you do not intent. And she will pick up your nervousness - either conscious or subconscious - and answer those feelings with her own, which could be mirroring your own - emotional contagion. That is the reason, why I always force myself to calm down before conveying something bad.
If you are calm and the atmospher relaxed, the next thing you need to think of is the timing. Timing is very important. If you are telling her the bad thing just before she forces you to read, she will have not enough time to process the information AND her feelings which are a resulting answer to your negative comment. The more time there is between telling her and the next reading, the better.
This is the reason why you want to tell her relatively early during your next date, that you cannot always read for her.
By the way: When you are actually telling her the bad news. You need to categorize what you want to tell her in 2 categories: "Important" (such as: I want a divorce, you need to lose weight, etc.) and "not as important" (your little predicament). The latter can be told in passing or, after you have led the conversaion into that direction. If she refuses to accnowledge it, be quiet and listen. Stay calm, when you answer her that - no, you cannot read always for her - she will pick up that calmness from you, trust me. Even if she acts up - stay calm.
If she loves you, she will understand your predicament. You can also include into the conversation that you love her so much, that you don't want to tell her about it, but as you keep getting a sore throat you do not know, how to tell her. Ask her, if she can give you advice how you could aproach her in the future when a matter such as this arises.
Remember: Bad news should always be told face to face. It gives your partner the feeling that she matters and you can convey much more nonverbally.
