@NikaInParis @Apollo @Sir Yasheen @Tyki_Mikk @Mr. Reloaded
I'm going to go into hiding after posting this, I have to escape you guys wrath for posting this LMAO!:
The Slopranos
(
A Gen Z Cringefest)
[Opening Scene: A typical suburban Ohio home. Tony "Sloppy" Sloprano, a 25-year-old wannabe influencer, is scrolling through TikTok on his phone. He’s wearing oversized streetwear, complete with Crocs and a Gucci headband. "Skibidi Toilet" music plays faintly from his phone as he scrolls. The doorbell rings.*]
Tony Sloprano (muttering to himself):
Bro, if one more "Skibidi Dop Dop" pops up on my FYP... Ohio's got me in a chokehold, man.
Ohio, of all places.
[He opens the door to see his cousin, Chris "No Cap" Moltisloppy, who bursts in like a TikTok trend on steroids.]
Chris "No Cap":
Yo! What up, big dog? On god, I was just bussin' down at the corner bodega, no cap. Ohio crazy frfr. Place mid, but the vibes immaculate.
Tony Sloprano (rolling his eyes):
Bro, stop with that Ohio slander. I live here.
On god, you sound like a TikTok comment section. What’s good tho?
Chris "No Cap" (laughing, dapping Tony up):
Fr I ain't tryna hold you, fam. But straight up, I got some crazy news—like Skibidi wild. You know Paulie "GYAAAAATTT" Walnuts? Man just got clowned on the TL for thirsting over an AI-generated anime waifu. Dude’s going down sadder than the Ohio meme.
Tony Sloprano (shocked):
Gyaaat! Ain’t no way Paulie out here down bad like that. This better not go viral—man’s gonna be a walking “ratio” for life.
[They head to the living room, where Tony’s phone buzzes. It’s a text from Silvio “Based AF” Dante.]
Tony Sloprano:
Bro, Sil just hit me with the most unhinged text. Said someone hit the bodega with a
Skibidi bop yes yes yes, and now the streets wildin’. Whole block turned into an Ohio-level meme fest. Pure chaos, no cap.
Chris "No Cap":
That’s wild.
Deadass, it’s like we living in one long TikTok livestream. Streets is either hit with a Skibidi wave, or they thirstin’ for a gyaaaat, or they arguing over which NPC got the best vibe check. It’s lawless out here.
Tony Sloprano:
Fr fr. Ain’t no rules. Can’t even cop a chop cheese without someone hittin’ me with a “ratio + L + mid” combo. Ohio’s just built different, man. But I’m out here trying to stay
valid.
[The door slams open. Enter Meadow, Tony's Gen Z daughter, complete with dyed e-girl hair and a massive oversized hoodie with "GLOBO GYM" written in neon text.]
Meadow Sloprano (sighing dramatically):
Dad, can you stop being so
cringe for like, five seconds? You’re literally giving 2016 Vine vibes. Ohio's not even trending anymore. If I see one more NPC dance outside our house, I’m moving to New York,
deadass.
Tony Sloprano:
Listen here, Miss "
I moved to NYC and now I only post matcha latte pics." You ain't going nowhere, alright? We built different out here. I’ll be damned if my own daughter calls Ohio
mid. You grew up in these streets.
Meadow Sloprano (crossing her arms):
Yeah, well, Ohio is just a walking L. I’m tryna be on my
grindset in Brooklyn with the hypebeasts. Everyone knows that’s where the real TikTok cloud chasers go to collab. Get on my level, Dad.
Tony Sloprano:
If I catch you thirst-trapping on TikTok one more time, I’m pulling your Wi-Fi faster than I can say "Skibidi Toilet." You’ll be back in Ohio vibes so quick your e-boy simp army won’t even have time to spam the “W” in the chat.
Chris "No Cap" (snickering):
Bruh, not the simp army. You know half her followers got no riz and live for one GYAAAT shot in her stories. For real for real.
Meadow Sloprano (rolling her eyes):
Y’all just don’t get it. You think you’re valid, but honestly, it’s giving
boomer. Lowkey embarrassing.
Tony Sloprano:
Boomer?! I'm literally on TikTok, every day! I'm out here doing the
Renegade and Skibidi-ing my way through the algorithm, fam! What you talkin' 'bout?
Chris "No Cap" (laughing):
On god, Tony, your feed kinda go hard tho. I seen your Skibidi challenge hit 50k likes. You a lowkey influencer now, no cap.
Tony Sloprano (smug):
That’s what I’m sayin’. My drip immaculate. Can’t keep these Ohio streets down, fam.
[The doorbell rings again. This time it’s Paulie “GYAAAAAT” Walnuts, wearing a knockoff Supreme hoodie and Yeezys. He looks distraught.]
Paulie "GYAAAT" Walnuts:
Tony, I’m
down horrendous, bruh. I got canceled so hard, my mentions haven’t recovered. They ratio’d me to the shadow realm. I just wanted to thirst over some anime tiddies, and now I’m a walking “L + GYAT” meme.
Chris "No Cap":
Nah bruh, you did it to yourself. You was out there simpin' with zero riz. How you expect not to get clowned?
Tony Sloprano (sighing):
Paulie, you gotta chill with the thirst posting, man. The streets ain’t gonna let you live that down. You can’t be GYAAATing all over the TL and expect no smoke. It’s giving
desperation.
Paulie "GYAAAT" Walnuts (desperate):
Tony, I just wanna be based again. I gotta get out of this L streak. Can you help me? I’ll even do the Skibidi Toilet challenge with you, if that’s what it takes.
Tony Sloprano (rubbing his temples):
Paulie,
on god, if you start Skibidi-ing in my house right now, I'm banning you from my Wi-Fi. We gonna fix your ratio, but we do it
properly. No thirst posting, no GYAAATing, and for the love of everything, leave the anime girls alone.
Chris "No Cap" (nodding):
For real, bro. Stop simping. Get your bag, get your drip, and you’ll be valid again. Otherwise, you’ll just be another Ohio meme.
Paulie "GYAAAT" Walnuts (defeated):
Alright, no more GYAATs. I’m gonna get my clout back the right way. Deadass, I’m done.
[They all sit down, phones in hand, and resume scrolling through TikTok like the generation they are. Skibidi Toilet music fades back in as the screen cuts to black.]
Tony Sloprano (in voiceover):
This generation, man... all vibes, no chill. But hey, that’s just Ohio.
[END]
It's still better than the chapter though so far!