@EmperorKinyagi
You're a true masochist, huh?
Anything that destroys you is beautiful to you?
Then you might want to check out Yukio Mishima's work.
Man was a sexual masochist, spent his whole life fantasizing about seppuku and all in all his writing is super disturbing and twisted.
But beware: Yukio-chan was 100% gay. Just fyi
For starters, you may want to check out his short story
Yukoku.
It's for free on the internet.
These seppuku descriptions omg
but might just be your type of thing?