Oh damn I can relate, we spread the ashes of my grandma on 23rd December so I'm probably not gonna celebrate Christmas again or for a long time, but it depends on how I feel closer to the time ofc.
I've not felt like celebrating my birthday anymore either, it just feels idk, like I cant let myself be happy, that Im celebrating another year older whilst shes gone and will never get anymore days on here, never mind weeks, months or years especially. So yeah I can kinda relate/understand to not wanting to celebrate your birthday either too, it fucking sucks.
Aye, dont let yourself worry about it until the time comes and you have to face the unavoidable time of seeing her body and it truly sinking in and hitting home ofc.
I saw mine die and it was absolutely horrifying, its an image, a moment I'm never gonna forget or let myself forget either, an extremely rare case where I actually want to remember my trauma as its my last memory of her, the last time I saw her alive and no matter how much it hurts, the pain keeps reminding me she was alive and part of my life and thats something that hopefully will help you too, even though you will feel immense emotional pain, overwhelming pain and despair, no matter how permanent and irreverisble your losss of them will feel and be, no matter how irreplaceable they are, that pain you feel will remind you they were alive, they existed and were part of your life and it won't let you forget them, its a mixed blessing in the very definition of it.
One of the great things about One Piece is despite so many characters losing their loved ones, in front of their eyes too even, they DONT give up, they keep soldiering on, they keep living for their sake and trying to make the most of their lives and survive without them. When you lose someone close to you, you're truly not living just for yourself anymore, but in their stead too, you're carrying their memory, their spirit with you and thus you're inherited their will.
FMA taught me about that too, which made me really love that series too. The Elric brothers processing the loss of their mother and coping with the grief, the loss of it and the failure of trying to resurrect her and the severe cost it had on both of them. Not to mention the death of a certain few beloved characters and also their mentor having that miscarriage or something, losing her unborn child IIRC, that series was heavy but it really taught you a lot about dealing with grief and processing it.
Hell, one of my favourite series of all time, which I've seen
@Pew mentioning on their Twitter too is Death Parade and that series also helped me out a lot with grief and processing loss and finding meaning in living, reason to live again. Its a very difficult series to watch especially if you're emotionally sensitive/traumatised/experienced heavy losses etc but its so worth it if you're able to watch it.
I'm just thinking of the SHs too and how they lost their loved ones and soldiered on too. We saw such a heavy theme of sacrifice in their backstories too, especially Sanji, Nami, Franky for example and speaking of Wanji, his extended backstory with his history with Germa and his mother, his loss of her and survivor's guilt and trauma of losing her, which has led him to constantly seek and need validation/love/acceptance from women too and also his survivor's guilt over Zeff sacrificing his leg to feed himself after he gave all his food to Sanji so Sanji wouldn't starve ofc.
Stuff like this is why I really love One Piece deep down and some other series too. Especially now when life feels far more mortal, when our lives feel far shorter and more fatal, when we feel far more vullnerable and that our own lives and others are much more precious and important than we realise.
All good anyway man, you're welcome and I'm glad to hear you will take the advice onboard. Feel free to vent in the mental health thread here or so if needed, there will be others, myself included too who will give you support and advice as needed, some reassurance/comfort and such. The worst thing with grief is to deal with it alone and feel you are alone in it too.
Best of luck with the funeral man and dont worry about not being able to celebrate your birthday and such, some things are more important in life and you can always celebrate them when you're older and if you feel you're more comfortable/able to by then ofc. Sometimes we just have to accept the circumstances and that there's nothing we can do, its out of our control and we can only try to adapt and carry on, even if it means making sacrifices and compomises.
Maybe Oda somehow knew spiritually/instinctively or w/e or maybe fate smiled your way despite your circumstances and gave you this masive Sanji dub as a sort of small repentance for your loss and pain? Trying to make you feel a bit better at least? Like fortune smiling on you despite an awful tragedy? A rainbow after a horrific storm? If that makes sense?
I always knew Sanji was a deeply traumatised character and thats why I always adored and admired him too, because he would put others before himself and not worry about himself so much, hes chivalrous and kind, self sacrificing and caring deep down, despite his broken, rough and tough exterior. The SHs are in a similar boat (and not just literally ofc lmao) and thus they can relate and bond to each other with that and thats why I also love OP, its so very relatable and humane.
Anyway thats enough of my ramble/essay, typed more than I was gonna but hopefully it might help lol.