Nintendrones are a different species I swear lmao
They don't even lick boots but swallow them whole. They rather lick soles than actually have a soul. No "nin-tegrity".
I heard about this charity incident earlier, unsurprising "retribution" (or even anti-"retrobution") from the Disney of gaming but these people are IRL video game NPCs. They are AI but the intelligence is truly artificial or non-existent.
I love Nintendos games so much but they're still another scummy corporation, extremely anti consumer and game preservation.
Reggie after he left Nintendo said he didn't recognise Nintendo anymore and I certainly don't either, especially after Iwata died.
We had it so fucking good from n64 to dare I say even up to the Wii U days at most. I'm loving my Switch 1 (OLED) but there's so much wrong with Nintendo and their practices atm it's overwhelming.
To abstain from supporting charities contradicts Nintendos whole manufactured cozy family friendly, wholesome image and thus built up reputation of over 120 years now if not more (Nintendo was founded in September 23rd 1889! That's not a typo!) Also the constant heroic values in their most popular IPs/mascots/games generally.
Fuck man, Nintendo needs to fucking Ninten-do better.
Ironically I used to be a mega nintendrone a long time ago too.
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MP4 is still missing jesus christ
Some hope at least:
https://www.eurogamer.net/metroid-p...ays-nintendo-as-delay-speculation-intensifies
It was meant to be a Switch 2 launch title.
Feels fucking weird to not have a new 3D Mario announced for Switch 2. Give us a proper remake or remaster of Mario 64 abd a remaster of Sunshine you cowards Nintendo! Hell, remaster the Galaxy games too! Fuck that time limited 3D Mario Allstars Collection, even the digital versions being "limited stock". Then they wonder why piracy soars higher than the blood pressure of the average Nintendo Proud Cultist (NPC) when Nintendo gets the lightest of criticisms.
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Welp I can't stop laughing my ass off now:
Title:
Episode 542: "Even Nintendo Would Cease & Desist This Episode"
[INT. YOROZUYA OFFICE – DAY]
Gin, Kagura, and Shinpachi sit in the cramped office. The TV is showing a news segment about Nintendo shutting down a fan charity Smash Bros. tournament.
KAGURA
Eh? They shut it down just because they modded in an extra hat for Mario?
SHINPACHI
Not “just because”! They claim it’s “intellectual property protection.”
GIN
(munching strawberry milk carton) More like “intellectual property destruction.” At this rate, Nintendo’s gonna send a lawyer to slap the controller out of your hands if you beat Bowser too fast.
KAGURA
That’s fine. I never play Bowser levels. I just eat the cartridge, yes.
SHINPACHI
(horrified) That’s not— wait, did you say eat?
[DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
Katsura bursts in, dressed in a Mario outfit but with “Z” sewn over the “M.”
KATSURA
Zura ja nai! It’s-a me, Zario! And I say… it’s time to create… GIN-TENDO!
GIN
Zura, the only thing you’ve ever “created” was a bomb disguised as a mahjong set.
KATSURA
This time will be different! Gin-tendo will be a console for the people! No region locks! No overpriced controllers! And most importantly… we won’t sue you for speedrunning!
[SFX: Crash]
Hijikata and Okita from the Shinsengumi walk in holding Switch consoles.
HIJIKATA
I bought this Switch two weeks ago and the Joy-Cons are already drifting. It keeps moving to mayonnaise in Splatoon no matter what I do.
OKITA
(smiling) Sounds like a skill issue, Hijikata-san.
HIJIKATA
(grabs him by the collar) SAY THAT AGAIN, I DARE YOU—
KONDOU
(entering through window for no reason) Also, they still haven’t put Donkey Kong Dating Simulator on the eShop. That’s the only game I want.
GIN
…You know, sometimes I think Nintendo bans things just to stop people like you.
[Cue More Entrances]
Within seconds, the room fills with Gintama regulars: Hasegawa (bankrupt from Amiibo), Sadaharu (chewing on a GameCube), Tae (ready to smack Gin), Kyubei, Tsukuyo, Prince Hata (wearing Pikachu ears), Sakamoto (already pitching an illegal Gin-tendo clone), and Gengai (carrying a cardboard “console prototype”).
GENGAI
This is the Gin-tendo Bakabox 64. Plays every game from every console ever made. Also makes coffee. Also transforms into a tank.
KATSURA
Perfect! We’ll undercut Nintendo’s prices by—
SFX: DOOR CRASH
The Ranma ½ crew stumbles in. Ranma (both versions), Genma (panda form), Akane, Shampoo, Mousse, and Ryoga are dragging a soggy cardboard sign that says “SounTendo.”
SOUN TENDO
(dramatically) I too have been wronged by Nintendo!
GIN
Wait, how did you even get here?
AKANE
Ryoga got lost trying to buy a DS and we ended up in your show.
RYOGA
(defensive) They don’t sell those anymore!
SOUN TENDO
Listen, my family name is Tendo. It is only logical I create SounTendo — a console dedicated to the pure spirit of martial arts and video games!
KAGURA
Martial arts? Can it run Mario Kart at 120 FPS?
SOUN
No… but it comes with a built-in koi pond!
EVERYONE
…
GIN
Yeah, we’re gonna stick with Gin-tendo.
[CUT TO: CORPORATE WAR ROOM – 10 MINUTES LATER]
The Gin-tendo crew has created a chaotic “executive team” — all 20+ characters yelling over each other.
Katsura: “First order of business, abolish region lock!”
Hijikata: “Add a mayonnaise-themed first-person shooter.”
Okita: “Add a mode where you can shoot Hijikata.”
Shinpachi: “Add parental controls!”
Kagura: “Add cartridge flavors!”
Kondo: “Add dating sim DLC!”
Soun Tendo: “Add koi pond support!”
Ranma (male): “Add water-resistant controllers.”
Ranma (female): “Add actual water physics.”
Ryoga: “Add a map so I can find the pause menu.”
Gengai: “Add self-destruct in case Nintendo lawyers arrive.”
[MID-RANT CHAOS]
GIN
Look, the point is—Nintendo’s gotten lazy. They’re making billions off the Switch while drip-feeding us Game Boy games like it’s a rare delicacy.
KATSURA
Exactly! Gin-tendo will release every old game for free!
SHINPACHI
Isn’t that just piracy?
KATSURA
No, it’s “retroactive community preservation.”
[SFX: EXPLOSION]
A Nintendo lawyer in a Waluigi suit crashes through the ceiling, wielding cease-and-desist papers like ninja stars.
WALAWYER
It’s-a me, Litigation Time!
EVERYONE
(screaming) GIN-TENDOOOOOO!!!
[CUT TO: TV COMMERCIAL – FINAL SCENE]
A shaky cam commercial plays: Gintama and Ranma characters posing with the Gin-tendo Bakabox 64, which is clearly just a cardboard box with wires.
VOICEOVER (KATSURA)
Gin-tendo: Because friendship is worth more than profit. Unless profit is huge. Then we’ll think about it.
SOUN TENDO (off-screen)
…Can we at least merge with SounTendo?
GIN
No.
Logo slams on screen: GIN-TENDO™ — “Now With 30% Less Lawsuits.”
END CARD
