Of gender disphoria ? Every people who transitionned had that problem.
I would call it the state of the trans-identified mind and how it impacts you psychologically. I don't think it is something that is able to be fully comprehended outside of somebody who has lived that identity.
And that reason has a name:
Cisnormativity. (a product of patriarchy and the system creating transphobia)
You have flown close to knowing but fell short. It is not that. It is a myriad of mental health, social, developmental, or sexual identity problems. You can possess multiple or just one. GD is a symptom of a larger problem, which, if addressed, will often result in somebody not transitioning from my experience.
I'm still waiting for people here to tell me how they plan to create an Utopia without exploitations...
I don't think it is possible on this earth.
What makes you think that your opinion and experience is superior to theirs?
I have hundreds of personal sources, all collectively sharing the a similar starting point, and all following the same processes. Many of these people were also rejected by family.
Something you don't understand is that through rejection one can become entrenched in an unhealthy belief system. In fact, the rejection and isolation they experience from community and family often leads them into affirming relationships with other trans-identified individuals. This becomes their 'place of belonging' and to leave trans behind would also deprive them of that.
Whilst I am not saying all trans environments are coercive and manipulative - and indeed, some of them that are do so unknowingly - they trap the trans-identified individual into an echo-chamber and social relationships that are contingent on their transness.
I thought I made the right decision at my core - that is how deep the illusion/delusion can become. I was not trans for a short amount of time, nor did I have a terrible surgery outcome. I am lucky - my surgery was a resounding success - no complications - a rarity, in fact. However, I still ended up having my world fracture. I came to realise that just because you think you're happy doesn't mean you are. It made me start doubting the that happiness is what we should strive for, even.
But this is somewhere that you will never listen to me on. So let's cease.
Not gonna lie your story was too brutal to read when I first saw it, but you're an awesome guy
Cheers.
