You understood backward my boy. I didn't "bunkered myself down ". I was already locked within own mind at the time and couldn't get out. I lived the fear of terrorism from inside, but not for me, I feared losing my family. And like you, I used this experience to slide to the far right and justify my hatred of the alterity.
But unlike you, I learned within the realm of time, fear and guilt.
Your entire narrative from the beginning of this thread to today has been about how your country is sooooo dangerous that you need to lick the boots of fascists to bring back people with guns and more security and more armies and more violence (etc..).
Your entire interaction has been a demonstration of panic.
True bravery is not the absence of fear but going into battle in spite of it.
Everyday I repeat myself this mantra in order to face both myself and the world. I still cannot move, biology is still my ennemy, but each day I do better than the next and each second day I'm feel more ethical than the first.
One day, I shall be able to do physically what I tried by my words here. This day, you will get rid of me.
But be patient, I'm not done yet
On the day you finally understand that your little fantasy is a myth created by the worst people on the planet to justify your own exploitation and the exploitation of others around you... remember what I told you and come back to our conversations.
You will need a guide map to prevent yourself from diving into despair and dooming.