General & Others How would you write Onigashima war/raid ?

#21
On a more serious note I'd want to dedicate entire chapters to certain plotlines in some cases such as:

-Giving Tama 1 chapter to sort out the gifters instead of sprinkling them over the span of several chapters

-Nami+Usopp vs. Ulti+Page One deserved 2 or 3 dedicated chapters with minimum cutaways. We love all the Strawhats and want to see them shine!! (No one would complain about these guys getting more screentime, it's the SIDE characters we're tired of, Oda!)

-Remove the Hiyori healer plotline. It basically did nothing anyway since half of them are dead and the other half is still weakened despite the heals

-As it currently stands, RoofPiece was nothing but fanservice. It should've been wayy more consequential. Show Kaido gripping his chest from Zoro's would or something, maybe a minor limp from fighting so many strong characters?

-Sanji had no business running around doing nothing for 5 chapters. He's an observation specialist and can literally burst through walls to get wherever he needs to be lmao

-Give Zoro's mental state a bigger focus after leaving the roof. Zoro was genuinely upset that he couldn't do more to Kaido. Have this loss weigh heavier on his mind

(These are things I don't know about yet since the arc isn't over yet)

-I want Zoro to get another shot at Kaido after defeating King, by reopening and expanding Kaido's old would and finally bringing him to his knees

-Everything else is good for the most part, hopefully Franky, Jinbe, Robin and Brook are going to get dedicated chapters for their fights (please Oda)
 
#22
I would make Luffy saying to Scabbards "Focus on Kaido I will make sure Momonosuke will be safe". Then we had Strawhats at front really sneaking into the castle. Law doing his research on poneglyph as he did. And Kidd changing focus to Apoo and revealing to everybody they are under attack.

At that time both King and Jack take lead to fight the raid while Kaido remains where Momo is for the execution and kills Orochi as he did. Then Scabbards comes in the same way and everybody goes to the rooftop. This time without Jack and fodders all the other Minks jump inside the castle and fights them with their sulong forms.

Almost all Strawhats were stuck in the previous room with the 3 calamities + Numbers + Apoo + Hawkins + Tobiroppo... Queen drop his virus on everybody and then change focus on X-Drake for previous betrayal. Then Who's Who also took the chance and change focus on Queen making it a 2v1.

Luffy and Shinobu were the only that continued their path out of this room. They save Momo and then BM appears. Luffy says to Shinobu run with Momo while he fights BM. Yamato appears and blocks BM attack saying to Luffy "You don't have time for this. Scabbards won't handle Kaido by themselves."

By the time Luffy gets at rooftop Scabbards are already defeated. Kaido is in front of Kin'emon ready to kill him but then both Luffy and Marco smash his face with both using Adv CoA. We had a flashback about Law just like we did, and one about Kid where Killer says "you have to go for Kaido, let me to avenge us for what Apoo did." Then they both also came to the rooftop to fight Kaido.

At castle we had Tama taming gifters and helping on batte, pleasures and waiters chaging sides because of Queen plague, Chopper healing everybody, Jack handling Mink's army Queen handling X-Drake and Who's Who then Zoro make sure King can't order anyone since they are all doing stuff on their own without a leader. Since Sanji can't beat women he makes sure he is handling both Page One and Sasaki so Robing and Brook handle Black Maria and Usopp and Franky handles Ulti while Usopp and Nami handle Numbers.

Back to Rooftop Kid and Marco are taking Kaido while Luffy and Law are giving them internal damage(Marco is using Adv CoA to not take so much damage and Kid is making difficult to Kaido handling full powerfull blows). Then BM shows up giving Law a huge attack that he almost fainted(Law that was also working as a supporter), Luffy lost his focus which makes Kaido giving him a full blow(also almost fainted) and then we have a panel of Yamato defeated downstairs.

Marco then says to Kidd take both Luffy and Law and run away because they lost this war. Marco is staying to hold both Yonkos he says he is not running this time remembering the war against BlackBeard where he left his brothers so he could survive since he can fly.
While running away, Kid Law and Luffy face CP-0 finally making their move(they chose to help Yonkos). Yamato comes back once more to help them leave. CP-0 gives Yamato a beating and when they are almost killing her Kaido screams "STOP!" and they freeze by fear of his voice. Then we saw Marco beated, with a lot of blood around him, thinking about Ace and WB and saying his last words.

Kid, Luffy and Law reach the first room where all others were fighting. All fodders are out of combat. The alliance seemed to have won all battles but they were almost defeated except for Zoro and Sanji. The captains says that they have to run this is an unbeatable battle. So they reach their ships but Kaido and BM are already on their back. They land Hakai which Zoro holds long enough for Sunny use their cola and escape. While that Law makes a enormous room bringing Chopper to his submarine and saving Zoro from the last moment he would collapse and took Hakai fully on his body.

BM says to Kaido hurry and get them. Kaido says don't worry and them lifts Onigashima reading to Wano. Law and Chopper are healing Zoro. Meanwhile the 3 captains makes a call forming an Alliance but saying that they need to fight another day in another place, the mission now is leaving from Wano. Zoro says that before that he needs Shusui back. Law says that he takes full reponsability for both Chopper and Zoro until they are back at Sunny. Once again the Strawhats are separated, since Law need a sneaky mission to recover Shusui. Momo and Shinobu were at Sunny too. Momo screams at Luffy that they should go back and die like a man which Luffy's say that he promised he would keep Momo alive. Then he teaches Momo that it is ok to lose a battle, since you are alive you can still fight another day.


Luffy and Kid go together to Elbaf where they will learn about Adv CoC and have a better chance to beat Yonkos.
 
#23
Big Mom feels extraneous. I expected her to be dealt with in Elbaf. Tama is a blatant plot device, but she’s at least limited to Gifters. Numbers were a complete waste of time. Yakuza aside from Hyo hadn’t been developed enough to care about the potential demise (though it was a good moment for Chopper).
 
#25
So.....

3 chapters then?:kriwhat:
I guess he meant 1 chapter only hahaha
Post automatically merged:

Big Mom feels extraneous. I expected her to be dealt with in Elbaf. Tama is a blatant plot device, but she’s at least limited to Gifters. Numbers were a complete waste of time. Yakuza aside from Hyo hadn’t been developed enough to care about the potential demise (though it was a good moment for Chopper).
What are Numbers exactly? They have something of animal on them? They are pretty weird. What if Tama DF works on them too?
 
#26
- Luffy being both the Alliance's leader and decisive war strategist.

- Sanji vs Queen in a tech and CoO specialist battle full of tricks, scapegoats, red herrings and dirty backstabbings, poisonings, ambushes involving the sacrifices and deaths of Tobi Roppos and Scabbards.

- Marco vs King in a bird aerial battle like a fireworks in Wano sky.

- Zoro vs Orochi (who is actually on par with King) in a swordsman vs Yamata no Orochi and CoA specialist battle. Orochi grows big with hard skin almost as hard as a diamond, etc. He spews fire and Zoro learns to cut fire and learn to cut something near-diamond in hardness.

- Fujitora vs BM, as BM has a underworld network possessing an ancient weapon, Uranus. Fujitora comes to Wano (his home) seeing Luffy and co and taking this opportunity to both protect his own country and to uncover or neutralize the ancient weapon Uranus from being activated.

- Luffy vs Kaidou, 1 vs 1, from the start of Wano until the end of Wano. Both recognized each other from the start as the ultimate threat to become PK. Started first, finished last. Kaidou doesnt have a DF but instead he is a Titan, a race consisting of only one individual which is himself, thousands of years in age. Knows the history, Roger, Joyboy, Imu, etc. Luffy uncovers important lore secrets from Kaidou during battle. CoC specialist battle, DF Awakening battle, creative fighting genius battle.
 
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#27
Onigashima raid was good but I would add a few things.

Marco vs Kaido 1v1, a heated battle where Kaido comes out on top but is weakened vs the worst generation.

I would've liked all the worst generation to team up against Kaido and not just Luffy, Law, Kidd, Zoro and Killer.

All the side battles should've been finished and out of the way before the roof fights, give 1 chapter to each fight to end it swiftly, give 2-3 chapters to big fights like Zoro vs King, Sanji vs Queen etc.

I wouldn't change anything else really, except the scabbards giving lasting damage to Kaido before they went down, and Kinemon not crying after he got beat, it was disgraceful.

That's it really, KKK for the win(Kidd kills Kaido).
Then what asspull should you have for Luffy to fight the strongest yonko (Blackbeard) solol
 
#28
i will make that stupid Scabbards go all out to save Momonosuke from Kanjurou on that damn port before Onigashima.
a whole plan was to execute the enemy while they drunk, but thanks to Momo being kidnapped that plan all a total mess because he's the one who was being executed lmao
 
#31
-Chapter 1000 : Luffy Kid Law Killer Sanji on the rooftop.
-Chapter 1002 : Sanji use hell memories and Big Mom is scared and ask Kaido to dodge but then Kaido can't dodge it and Sanji's Hell Memories kill Kaido.
-Chapter 1003 : Big Mom is pissed that Kaido is now dead. She try to eat Luffy but Sanji comes and attack Big Mom. She is stunned and Kid Law and Killer are impressed by Sanji. Luffy finish Big Mom.
-Chapter 1004 : Zoro on the rooftop fight against half dead Jack in a extreme diff fight and wins.
-Chapter 1005 : X Drake make an allaince with Apoo and defeat Queen. Meanwhile Marco defeat King.
-Chapter 1006 : End of the raid. Wano is saved and Luffy and Sanji are now the saviors of Wano.
 
#36
No Big Mom, no Big Mom Pirates (cuz what were they for in this arc exactly...?)

Also No Marco, cuz he's there just to make the shs look cool jk.

No Tama or I'll have her df replaced

I'd put cliffhangers instead of silhouettes

I'd offscreen the running instead of fights

Each act 25 chaps or less

Cooler, more meaningful fights

A more intimidating Kaido and Beast Pirates

Yamato introduced earlier than Onigashima
 
#37
So we can only change things that happen during the raid? Cool, cool. I got a few things I'd rewrite and change. Not a full redo, I'd need a long time to think of that. I'll use what Oda has as a basis and adjust things to appeal to me specifically.

This is also a big write up, don't expect any to read this. More of my own mind going wild.

1. Secondary & Tertiary Goals
A big problem in this war is the lack of stakes, which I think comes mostly from the fact a majority of the cast isn't actively doing anything. Sure, they're fighting off fodder or a Tobi Roppo. But they have nothing going on beyond the immediate struggle. I'd make sure the plan to take down Kaido focused an equal amounts on defeating his formidable army and subverting them in their own fortress.

The Alliance would be attempting to:
  • Splitting up the Officers from one another and the main battlefield
  • Taking down all Communications in Onigashima so the Beast Pirates can't organize
  • Dismantling / destroying strategic pathways to cripple Beast Pirate reinforcements
  • Rescuing Momo
  • Defeating Kaido
So now at least we can split the main cast between these goals and we know if something goes wrong with their plan, it means a much harder fight for all the characters below the Roof Top. They have a purpose beyond wandering around and getting into convenient fights.

Nami/Brook/Robin can easily go to work in knocking out the Den Den Mushi, like what occurred in Udon Prison, and set their sights on Bao Huang.

Franky/Chopper/Usopp can go to work sabotaging parts of Onigashima (they do have the blueprints) to close off pathways to cut down on the risk of being routed by sheer numbers alone.

Jinbe & Sanji work together to lure out the Beast Pirate Officers and rescue Momo.

2. More Respect to the Antagonists
This is a big one. The Beast Pirates are shown as incompetent at almost every corner, they're barely holding onto their fortress with the entirety of their army at their disposal. It's rather pathetic. Again, it's hard to cheer for our protagonists when the situation they're faced with isn't given due respect.

I do like how Oda's given the Beast Pirates a distinct visual look and attitude. It's a mix between bikers from Hell & 3rd century Barbarians. It's very raw, savage, and strikes me as powerful. I would emphasize their strength as individuals and their lack of cohesiveness in groups. Which fits with the Darwinistic philosophy of the crew.

To balance this out, I would fully introduce the entire Chanter crew to Onigashima instead of letting them be a gag all Wano. Beyond interesting interactions, I think the Beast Pirates savageness can be contrasted and partnered with the more cunning and methodic Big Mom Pirates' style nicely.

This quote (allegedly) from Napoleon would sum up the differences between the crews.

"Two Mamelukes were undoubtedly more than a match for three Frenchmen; 100 Mamelukes were equal to 100 Frenchmen; 300 Frenchmen could generally beat 300 Mamelukes, and 1,000 Frenchmen invariably defeated 1,500 Mamelukes."

With limited numbers, have Smoothie, Perospero and Daifuku act as leaders during the heated Live Floor battle. They're organizing the Beast Pirate fodder to put up a determined defense against the Samurai alliance.

Meanwhile, just have the Beast Pirates act with common sense.

Queen gives Scratchman Apoo a fake antidote and has Perospero seal off the Live Floor with his candy wall, laughing manically at the fates of the Pleasures, Waiters, and their enemies.

The Tobi Roppo themselves each position themselves in places of importance to better thwart the Alliance.

The Beast Pirates use the abundance of Sea Stone they've been gathering on the Alliance's devil fruit users.

3. Character Purposes
Each character should have a distinct purpose — and in the case of the antagonists, inform us a bit on Kaido himself.

  • Black Maria guards Bao Huang, bringing her and Brook/Robin directly into combat.
  • Sasaki and his Armored Division are coming in to reinforce the Live Floor, allowing for Franky to take them on.
  • Who's Who intends to take Momo hostage to ruin the Samurai's morale, which causes him and Jinbe to clash down the road.
  • Page1 & Ulti dominate the Live Floor early on, taking down a number of tertiary characters (Heat, Wire, the Yakuza Bosses) causing Nami and Usopp to break off from their jobs and lure the Tobi Roppo away.

So instead of it being random happenstance, the reason for the Straw Hats and Tobi Roppo to fight is pretty organic. They have competing interests and goals.

I'd have King v. Marco be a solo struggle, no Queen besides maybe a chapter or two at the beginning. Marco is spreading his fires wide to cover the Ice Oni infected fighters, taking up 25% of his stamina more or less. So against King, Marco's going in with a handicap. Marco will eventually lose and will need to take on Zoro when he's recovered later.

Queen is going to fight Sanji, though not completely alone. I'd have X Drake help out eventually, but Sanji takes the heavy lifting here. There's more of a prolonged battle between Base Sanji and Zoan Queen, before Queen goes Hybrid and overwhelms Sanji. Sanji uses the Raid Suit but Queen's cybernetic enhancements allows him to locate and prematurely strike Sanji down.

Add in X Drake, who helps to overwhelm Queen, and the duo take down Queen.

Jack is mostly good. I would have Jack take down both Inuarashi and Nekomamushi instead of just one of them. It's not a short fight, but Jack wins in the end and intends to hunt the rest of the Scabbards down and defeat them. That's when Yamato intervenes, allowing for Yamato to interact with a Beast Pirate officer her age and shed light into her life.

For the Big Mom Pirates...

They would be the ones to plant the idea of not trusting X Drake in the heads of Queen and Who's Who. Their earlier suspicions seem clearer when taking into consideration X Drake's loyalties. This mostly ties in from the BMP's own run in's with the Supernova.

I'd have Perospero and co. be the ones to first recognize the Raid, noticing a few Straw Hats. Perospero commands Mont'd, Raisen and others to inform Queen & Linlin as he tries to delay the Straw Hats inside the towers.

X Drake would intercept and take out the lesser BMP crew members, so this info is delayed.

Once the battle itself starts:

  • Smoothie largely helps organize effective resistance until Kawamatsu & Ashura Doji emerge from the roof top. Like Jack, she defeats both. However, the combined efforts of Killer and Hawkins takes Smoothie down.
  • Perospero briefly fights Luffy, then fights Carrot & Wanda, defeating their Sulong forms but greatly injuring himself in the process. Later, Chopper finishes off Perospero.
  • Daifuku is the 1st of the BMP big 3 to fall. He hears X Drake hurt his siblings and takes him on, keeping X Drake busy for the beginning part of the Raid. Drake defeats him, then moving on to fight the injured Scratchman Apoo.
I'd have the Tobi Roppo fights get some slight panel time, but then get a devoted 3 chapters each where they're the majority of the attention. Smoothie and the All Stars would each get similar treatments, but with 5 chapters each.


4. Misc.
Minor changes I'd make would be, for example, changing Ulti's devil fruit. I'd change it to a deinonychus, the real-life version of the Jurassic Park raptors. It'd just be slightly more interesting, given that Ulti can now kick and inflict damage with her toe claws, use hang claws or even her teeth. Include her shooting off impromptu dagger like feathers, and it makes the zoan less one dimensional.

She has a gag of being hard headed and having a hard headed dinosaur zoan. That's cute, but I'd keep her personality and make the joke that she's the big sister but has a small zoan, but nonetheless acts like she's in charge. Have her hug Page1 when they're both in zoans and accidentally stab him with her toe claws.

I'd be sure to give each Tobi Roppo a degree of a backstory. Nothing complex, just something similar to what Senor Pink received. Enough to make us curious about them and maybe care.

  1. Sasaki — Kokoro's son, inspired to be a pirate by Roger at a young age. Was the Captain of his own small fleet before being defeated by King and forced to join the Beast Pirates circa 7 years ago. He can't visit his daughter Chimney, as his bounty and affiliation with Kaido makes him a prime target for the marines.
  2. Black Maria — The Princess to a country that was taken over by Revolutionaries, she and her family fled to sea at a young age. All but her perished in a storm and she was close to dying too, before the previous Empress of Amazon Lily found her. Black Maria was a contemporary and rival to Boa Hancock. When Boa was named the next Empress, Black Maria left to sea and made her own crew.
  3. Ulti & Page1 — Both half siblings of a pirate Captain, they were among many other half siblings that were apart of this Grandline crew. Throughout the years, their other siblings kept dying or getting captured, slowly making Ulti more protective of Page1. Page1 resents this and wants to prove he's strong enough. Both became Co-Captains after their father was sent to Impel Down before Luffy left to be a pirate.
Who's Who and Drake are decent as is IMO. They don't need much work. Make Who's Who a bit more cynical and X Drake a more conflicted on his mission.

I'd give the Calamities simple backstories, too.

  1. Jack was a fishman living in a New World island that was sacked by Kaido before Kaido went to Wano. Jack traveled to Wano to challenge and kill Kaido. Seeing the full amount of hatred in Jack's eyes and his impressive resolve, Kaido wanted to make him a useful crewmember and defeated him. However, shortly after he offered to give Jack a free hand at him anytime Jack accomplished a goal Kaido set. This is a bit of a ripoff of Askeladd and Thorfinn from Vineland Saga, but I think it'd work. Jack views himself as the only person who has the right to kill Kaido and is working to learn from him to get closer to killing Kaido.
  2. Queen was apart of a science organization that sought to uncover the secrets of Devil Fruits. As it was incorporated into the World Government, he worked closely with Vegapunk and Caesar Clown, experimenting on Kaido. However Queen's own shortcomings and sadistic streak with other test subjects was catching up to him. Queen moved to save his own ass and rescue Kaido. Working with King, together they freed Kaido and left with him.
  3. King comes from a race that was almost wiped out in a war with the Elbaf Giants 500 years ago. There's precious few survivors but they're all powerful, born with the power of pyrokinesis. King was the Warden of Impel Down and personally fought Kaido alongside others, in bringing the man in for study. King learned to respect Kaido's demeanor and detested the Tenryuubito, making switching sides for him very easy. He would have an Ō Wazamono named Amaterasu.

5. Conclusion
All the Calamities would be killed in fitting ways. They each represent something relating to Kaido's title

  1. Land — Queen, a human and the tallest land animal.
  2. Air — King, a winged creature.
  3. Sea — Jack, a Fishman.
Jack would be defeated and knocked off Onigashima, far into the sky. He'd realize he was heading straight for land and that'd be the last we see of him. Died falling from far in the sky.

Queen would likewise be knocked off Onigashima, but he'd end up submerged in a canal or river instead.

King would fight Zoro and together they would carve out Mt. Fuji's top, creating a flat area for them to battle. King would be defeated by Zoro, try to cheap shot Zoro from behind and get his wings clipped. Later, Onigashima would end up falling on the flattened Mountain instead of the Flower Capital, crushing King.

Law + Kidd + weakened Hawkins + Weakened Killer would pressure Big Mom far enough that she ends up losing control of herself, accidentally destroying her homies and knocked back into O'Lin mode for good. She isn't dead, but she's turned into a defenseless old woman who just wants food.

Kaido is defeated by Luffy and Yamato. He attempts to fully destroy the Flower Capital so that Wano is ruined with him, when Zoro strikes and decapitates Kaido. Luffy's haki and physical abilities are null after pressuring Kaido so much and Yamato's on her last leg. Zoro kills Kaido in one clean strike before chiding his captain and falling over, unconscious from his injuries.

The SMILE users would rejoin Wano's population and help rebuild it, as would the pleasures and waiters from the crew. Sasaki would join with Wano for the time being but express his desire to return to Water 7.

Cipher Pol Aegis 0 would attempt to do away with Who's Who & Black Maria due to their past ties to the World Government, but would be stopped by Kidd. Kidd's presence would be enough to deter the agents, who have no intention of picking a fight with the Alliance. The duo would join Kidd's crew, albeit reluctantly.

X Drake would make sure Ulti & Page1 weren't found by the Wano authorities, but given them one chance to sail far from Wano and make a new life for themselves. There'd be a bit of a heart to heart where Ulti recognizes Page1's strength and Page1 shows genuine appreciation for Ulti.

As for any reveals, secrets, or post-Wano celebrations, I'm not sure. Yamato would join the crew. Oden's diary would reveal the location of the last ponyglyph and Wano would host a big festival in honor of the Straw Hats.

I would 100% add in a secondary, mini arc where the Supernova duke it out and the alliance almost immediately crumbles. But that wouldn't be the same topic as this thread.
 
#40
Act 1: Zoro gets lost with Yasuie. Zoro says he wants to go fishing. He ends up at Onigashima. He meets Yamato and finds out Yamato's history. Luffy vs Kaido still happens and Luffy gets stomped as usual.
Act 2: Kaido returns to Onigashima. Zoro vs Kaido 1v1. Zoro scars Kaido. But Zoro loses because of food poisoning. Yamato and Yasu help Zoro leave Onigashima. But Kaido kills Yasu in the process. Zoro lands in Wano and meets Hiyori. Luffy learns magical haki.
Act 3. Zoro and Luffy vs Kaido. ZKK.
 
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