General & Others How would you write Onigashima war/raid ?
- Thread starter Veljko
- Start date
I am not claiming I would do better, but two simple things:
Remove the stalling for Chapter 1000
Remove Tama, or let's say someone really wants to keep that ability, minimize her screentime.
Those two would drastically improve the arc
Actually a third option: kill anyone. It's a war. It's fiction. Not everyone should just get up after being put down.
Remove the stalling for Chapter 1000
Remove Tama, or let's say someone really wants to keep that ability, minimize her screentime.
Those two would drastically improve the arc
Actually a third option: kill anyone. It's a war. It's fiction. Not everyone should just get up after being put down.
Since the beginning, all the strongest fighters in the alliance goes all-out and attack Kaidou. No one can even touch him due to Dragon Force: Kaidou's permanently-active CoA that he obsessively trained and hardened for decades since infant, acting as a body armor, millions of times stronger than Bari2 No Mi. The reason for his title, World's Strongest Creature. No one can reduce his lifeless boredom, emptiness, no one can force him to move an iota from his standing ground. Until he senses Luffy's presence. Kaidou orders his subordinate to make way for the boy, and get away from Wano Country itself, to the seas, as far as they can. He also tells them that if they haven't finish the Strawhat Alliance by the time he's finished with Luffy, he'll kill them all himself.
With that order, the entire Beast and BM Pirates and alliance pirates sail to the ocean and continue the war as naval battles before boil down into group fights and 1v1s. Marco vs King aerial fight (flashy fireworks in the sky), Sanji and Law vs Queen with tricky sea battles and large scale attacks and object manipulations (ships flying and seakings flying everywhere teleported from and to the sea).
Kyoshiro and Zoro vs Orochi (whose Hydra form is actually very strong and resilient and also able to swim in the sea, like equal to King, and also very cunning), an underwater battle between two swordsmen and sea monster, seawaves as high as mountains, one hydra head being cut but regenerated, rinse and repeat, but Zoro manages to awaken demon spirit Takemikazuchi as the Lightning Sword Deity and cut all nine heads at the same split second), then both of them recruit Yamato.
---
Yamato will face BM after Luffy vs Kaidou is over. Strawhat and 9 Scabbards vs Flying 6 and Numbers etc. Many casualties, many deaths from Heart Pirates, Kidd Pirates, Scabbards and Minks, many betrayals and backstabbings and double-agents etc. If we want some more gutpunch, Chopper, Nami and Robin die after being tortured by Beast Pirates and CPO Agents. Replaced by Law (who is left alone in Wano since all of his crews are dead, so he enters the SH crews as a surgeon), Jimbei (can both steer and navigate, and also had inherit the incomplete map from Nami), and Yamato (who is both extremely strong and also knows poneglyph language and mystic arts since Roger or Shimotsuki Ushimaru or whichever Wano expert taught her in the past).
---
The only ones left in Onigashima are BM, Kaidou, Luffy. Kaidou questions BM if she wanna die as well since she doesn't leave. BM says she just wants to watch since it's too risky for her to interfere in a battle between two guys that are seemingly dead equal as two WSC's. Kaidou says he recognizes BM's intention to kill whoever is left, and hog the glory for herself. But he cannot simply ignore the ultimate threat that is standing before him, Monkey D. Luffy. The boy already has Poseidon as his ally, Kaidou can't let him take his daughter Yamato just because her capabilities in Poneglyph reading and mystic arts.
During all this time, Luffy just stands perfectly still, his eyes closed and his mind for the billionth time simulating the fusion between Devil Fruit's Neural Awakening and Skysplitter Conqueror's Coat.
The boy opens his eyes, BM floats in the sky with Hera's cloud then she says "Begin."
Both Kaidou and Luffy leap forward meeting at the center, the first clash alone splitting the sky and disintegrate the giant skull at the same time.
---
Something like that.
With that order, the entire Beast and BM Pirates and alliance pirates sail to the ocean and continue the war as naval battles before boil down into group fights and 1v1s. Marco vs King aerial fight (flashy fireworks in the sky), Sanji and Law vs Queen with tricky sea battles and large scale attacks and object manipulations (ships flying and seakings flying everywhere teleported from and to the sea).
Kyoshiro and Zoro vs Orochi (whose Hydra form is actually very strong and resilient and also able to swim in the sea, like equal to King, and also very cunning), an underwater battle between two swordsmen and sea monster, seawaves as high as mountains, one hydra head being cut but regenerated, rinse and repeat, but Zoro manages to awaken demon spirit Takemikazuchi as the Lightning Sword Deity and cut all nine heads at the same split second), then both of them recruit Yamato.
---
Yamato will face BM after Luffy vs Kaidou is over. Strawhat and 9 Scabbards vs Flying 6 and Numbers etc. Many casualties, many deaths from Heart Pirates, Kidd Pirates, Scabbards and Minks, many betrayals and backstabbings and double-agents etc. If we want some more gutpunch, Chopper, Nami and Robin die after being tortured by Beast Pirates and CPO Agents. Replaced by Law (who is left alone in Wano since all of his crews are dead, so he enters the SH crews as a surgeon), Jimbei (can both steer and navigate, and also had inherit the incomplete map from Nami), and Yamato (who is both extremely strong and also knows poneglyph language and mystic arts since Roger or Shimotsuki Ushimaru or whichever Wano expert taught her in the past).
---
The only ones left in Onigashima are BM, Kaidou, Luffy. Kaidou questions BM if she wanna die as well since she doesn't leave. BM says she just wants to watch since it's too risky for her to interfere in a battle between two guys that are seemingly dead equal as two WSC's. Kaidou says he recognizes BM's intention to kill whoever is left, and hog the glory for herself. But he cannot simply ignore the ultimate threat that is standing before him, Monkey D. Luffy. The boy already has Poseidon as his ally, Kaidou can't let him take his daughter Yamato just because her capabilities in Poneglyph reading and mystic arts.
During all this time, Luffy just stands perfectly still, his eyes closed and his mind for the billionth time simulating the fusion between Devil Fruit's Neural Awakening and Skysplitter Conqueror's Coat.
The boy opens his eyes, BM floats in the sky with Hera's cloud then she says "Begin."
Both Kaidou and Luffy leap forward meeting at the center, the first clash alone splitting the sky and disintegrate the giant skull at the same time.
---
Something like that.
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I couldn't "write" it better but I could do a better job than the editors though, by pointing out major issues and workshopping with Oda solutions.
Make Kanjuro's escape with Momo seem more plausible.
Tell Oda that the scooby do "lets split up" plan of Law/Kinemon/Denjiro is completely retarded, as is Law chilling looking for Poneglyphs while the scabbards get wrecked on the rooftop.
Removing any run piece stalling, of scenes back and forth of Luffy choosing to run in the labyrinth of the enemy just like he did in Dressrosa while we all wait for him to reach the rooftop.
No useless scenes that won't get followed up for 20 irl weeks.
Not have fake hype of Kanjuro and Orochi being "killed" twice, not having scabbards get up several times from death, I can forgive 1 fake death/KO per character that isn't Luffy per arc. I'd have cut out the entire Scabbards vs Kanjuro 1st round as it was pointless
Make Kanjuro's escape with Momo seem more plausible.
Tell Oda that the scooby do "lets split up" plan of Law/Kinemon/Denjiro is completely retarded, as is Law chilling looking for Poneglyphs while the scabbards get wrecked on the rooftop.
Removing any run piece stalling, of scenes back and forth of Luffy choosing to run in the labyrinth of the enemy just like he did in Dressrosa while we all wait for him to reach the rooftop.
No useless scenes that won't get followed up for 20 irl weeks.
Not have fake hype of Kanjuro and Orochi being "killed" twice, not having scabbards get up several times from death, I can forgive 1 fake death/KO per character that isn't Luffy per arc. I'd have cut out the entire Scabbards vs Kanjuro 1st round as it was pointless
I would make Luffy's defeat against kaido on the rooftop actually mean something
He doesn't just get KO'd simply to come back a few chapters later. Luffy is actually seriously injured. Due to the sheer strength of Kaido's haki, he actually bypassed Luffy's DF and managed to break his arm and several of his ribs. Luffy struggles to even move and he wonders if its even possible for him to beat kaido.
Suddenly, Luffy and the heart pirates are cornered by the big mom pirates. Smoothie sees Luffy, becomes massive, and goes in for the kill shot when she is suddenly punched by Garp.
We learn that from Drake's info, the marines teleported a ship to wano(via kuma) in order to save the flower capital from kaido.
Garp and Luffy have a moment which restores Luffy's faith in himself. Garp pulls out some SSG device that heals Luffy. And then Luffy returns to the rooftop to face kaido.
Also, Kid and Law's awakenings don't have huge downsides and they can use them casually
their fight with big mom is actually good and big mom isn't defeated by plot
He doesn't just get KO'd simply to come back a few chapters later. Luffy is actually seriously injured. Due to the sheer strength of Kaido's haki, he actually bypassed Luffy's DF and managed to break his arm and several of his ribs. Luffy struggles to even move and he wonders if its even possible for him to beat kaido.
Suddenly, Luffy and the heart pirates are cornered by the big mom pirates. Smoothie sees Luffy, becomes massive, and goes in for the kill shot when she is suddenly punched by Garp.
We learn that from Drake's info, the marines teleported a ship to wano(via kuma) in order to save the flower capital from kaido.
Garp and Luffy have a moment which restores Luffy's faith in himself. Garp pulls out some SSG device that heals Luffy. And then Luffy returns to the rooftop to face kaido.
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Also, Kid and Law's awakenings don't have huge downsides and they can use them casually
their fight with big mom is actually good and big mom isn't defeated by plot
Tension tension tension tension. Luffy should not be defeated. If he is defeated, he should be killed or tortured, not a training camp.
Once he realized he could not win, he should either escape or come up with strategy. Not just unlock new power up on top of new power up in the air, which is a very boring narrative. This makes me so unexcited in Luffy vs Kaido.
Once he realized he could not win, he should either escape or come up with strategy. Not just unlock new power up on top of new power up in the air, which is a very boring narrative. This makes me so unexcited in Luffy vs Kaido.
