It is..
I still believe that some things that I said are true. I still believe that I'm right on the overall message about this forum, this discussion, One Piece or politics.. But I'm destroying all of that message with my behavior. I've been understanding for a while that problem, but I never REALLY looked at myself for an answer.
I just realized that I made myself the main character - and other people the secondary characters - in my own world.. A form of main character syndrom but on steroids.
And now... I realize and accept what it means and why I've been alienating everyone. While I was listening... I was never truly understanding or rather.. empathizing and accepting the agency of others. There has always been this need for control.
This behavior didn't appear in a void. I had to protect myself from isolation, depression, a hardcore mental condition, a lot of change in my life, realizations and probably some leftovers from traumas... I had to understand how to deal with all of that while my politicization was starting to take all the place.
But this is not an excuse.
I confused everything in a big blob of self centering and conflictuality and thus I hurt everyone everywhere.
And for that, truly, I'm sorry.
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Being a storytelling addict doesn't help, I overdramatize everything and I see narrative pattern everywhere. Perhaps I will never be able to completely get rid of that, but I think I can finally let go and stop putting myself at the center of my world now.
I now need to find a way to align this while keeping my political praxis intact.
This is not a strategy anymore. I want to grow and listen.