The general rant thread
- Thread starter Nana
- Start date
- Tags we want harashima vs joygirl round 2
Serious post, I am trying to get myself to go to hospital atm. Some of you will know I harmedf myself and tried to take my own life a few months ago. Well truth be told, this is the 3rd time actually recently, the 2nd time I kept quiet about as I didnt want it to seem like I was attention seeking, it was 2 months later or in October specifically and now 2 months later, lo and behold.
Long story short, narcissistic family abuse is driving me to this, my family constantly emotionally/mentally abusing me and being in complete denial of doing it and doing anything wrong as per usual. Im calling the emergency services right now as I've fucked up my arm a fair bit with a knife, a LOT of scratches/attempted cuts all over it, around 30 maybe or something silly idk. Its a fucking mess but im not bleeding at least thankfully, it just fucking stings and looks ugly as hell.
Im gonna try to request shelter/sanctuary away from my family but i seriously doubtl ill get it, even with my registered mental health issues and neurodivergent diagnoses, I think if were a lot younger, id have a much better chance but idk.
Im at a loss, my family have driven me to try to take my life so many times since i was a teenager now. I just cant cope with them anymore. They are evil, delusional, soulless monsters. Just not a shred of empathy, humility, remorse, accountability, nothing in them. Its like the most comical/extreme villains but I guess thats who writers get inspired by in the first place? Just lacking the megalomania/intelligence/cunning/ambitions/wealth of those villains generally?
Anyway, Ill try to update you guys on what happens and how im doing but right now im at a loss. I nearly walked out into busy traffic near my road, theres a main road closed to me with constant traffic speeding down it. Theres also a hospital and a graveyard nearby too ironically, go figure.
Take care guys, be safe, be well. I'm in an extremely bad place and at a loss right now. Im losing my will to keep living and fighting anymore due to my family mainly.
Update:
I finally got through to emergency services now after a long wait, its not the main emergency line but im gonna try this less emergent line and see what they can recommend first. Chances are either paramedics are gonna have to visit me again or im gonna have go to hospital, even fi i have to wait most of an entire night or and day there to get seen.
Long story short, narcissistic family abuse is driving me to this, my family constantly emotionally/mentally abusing me and being in complete denial of doing it and doing anything wrong as per usual. Im calling the emergency services right now as I've fucked up my arm a fair bit with a knife, a LOT of scratches/attempted cuts all over it, around 30 maybe or something silly idk. Its a fucking mess but im not bleeding at least thankfully, it just fucking stings and looks ugly as hell.
Im gonna try to request shelter/sanctuary away from my family but i seriously doubtl ill get it, even with my registered mental health issues and neurodivergent diagnoses, I think if were a lot younger, id have a much better chance but idk.
Im at a loss, my family have driven me to try to take my life so many times since i was a teenager now. I just cant cope with them anymore. They are evil, delusional, soulless monsters. Just not a shred of empathy, humility, remorse, accountability, nothing in them. Its like the most comical/extreme villains but I guess thats who writers get inspired by in the first place? Just lacking the megalomania/intelligence/cunning/ambitions/wealth of those villains generally?
Anyway, Ill try to update you guys on what happens and how im doing but right now im at a loss. I nearly walked out into busy traffic near my road, theres a main road closed to me with constant traffic speeding down it. Theres also a hospital and a graveyard nearby too ironically, go figure.
Take care guys, be safe, be well. I'm in an extremely bad place and at a loss right now. Im losing my will to keep living and fighting anymore due to my family mainly.
Update:
I finally got through to emergency services now after a long wait, its not the main emergency line but im gonna try this less emergent line and see what they can recommend first. Chances are either paramedics are gonna have to visit me again or im gonna have go to hospital, even fi i have to wait most of an entire night or and day there to get seen.
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Thank you guys, seriously. I rang the emergency line, the less emergency one like a more general helpline and I had a long wait but Ive been talking to this very supportive, understanding operator and shes is currently consulting a clinician on what they can offer for me, what to do right now. I've explained and reported my family's abuse to them in detail and idk if it's gonna go anywhere but im desperate at this point. I considered running away and trying to stay in a homeless shelter or something, there a refuge place open not too far away from me for anyone so I might go there. I need some kind of respite place desperately, my family are genuinely severely mentally ill/psychotic. Imagine the things you've seen from me at my worst on and off here and I'm dealing with that constantly with them, it's just become part of who I too due to them, except the lack the self awareness and accountability to realise they are the problem and to do something about it. They're genuinely fucking insane.
I don't have a job, im not capable of working long story short, i live desperately off welfare and struggle with that, ive wanted to move out desperately but i can only barely afford some of the lowest rent available for properties atm, without factoring in paying deposits first, I wont have money to even pay bills or anything, nothing for food etc. So yeah idk, i need a small kind of miracle at least right now.
I cant even rely on other family members and ive got no friends who will take me in either or could anyway. So idk what i'll do but im praying the medical service here and thus the government can do something, offer something somehow. There is supported living for people like me, my ex had to be taken away her mother as the mother was schizophrenic and kept beating my ex daily so my ex was put into supported living with a social worker or w/e. But that was when she was a teenager and she still has her support worker living with her now AFAIK.
Idk what support ill get at my age realistically speaking but im at a loss right now, i have to hope ill get/find something somehow though. Maybe I should try to become a female booba vtuber with a voice changer and get rich off simps ideally so I can move out and get my own place? Lmao.
Seriously though, thanks guys, I really appreciate the responses. Idk how im gonna get away from these genuine rabid lunatics and save myself but gonna try researching options until i find something somehow. Im at a point where i cant put up with this anymore ,i cant carry on with them and they're never gonna change purposely, they would rather let me harm myself and take my own life than ever admit fault and apologise, thats what im dealing with. Full blown radioative, toxic narcissism gone wild, uncensored.
My arm is really fucked up right now but its not bleeding at least, just looks like its gone some rounds lightly with wolverine or krueger, bit of a dark humour i guess lol.
I really wish I had knowleddge of stuff like emotional abuse, narcissism, gaslightning when i was much more younger, braver, energetic, bolder etc. my family have worn me down into almost literal dust at this point.
Even the operator recognised what my family is doing to me is abuse. But my godforsaken permanent persecution/victim complex family will never admit that. You would have an easier time getting Japan or even my country the UK to admit their war crimes ffs.
UPDATE:
I'm waiting for the clinician to call me and assess me for what help they can get me. It might take a few hours wait too. I've been more upfront about my problems and stuff ive been dealing with including hallucinations IRL and I hope that can help me a lot somehow. Even if I just end up getting put on medication at worst but ideally i would like to get some kind of supported living/respite support or a regular social worker/peer mentor or something at least too.
I wish I could just live with a support worker like one of my exes does and another ex of mine lives in supported living by herself but in more a mental health support housing association type thing, like a little community estate thing for people with neurodivergencies and mental health to live in their own apartments and get support with living independently or something like that?
For what its worth too, the medical service here is amazing for the most part, except a really nasty nurse I had to deal with a few months ago (who also was part of the reason I got suicidal and self harmed then but I digress). Most of the people in the medical service here are so kind, supportive and thorough, especially on the emergency services, in the hospitals and a podiatrist clinic I had to visit for a small foot emergency a short while ago too. They had a pug dog as listed on their staff team with his own photo on the staff board lmao.
I don't have a job, im not capable of working long story short, i live desperately off welfare and struggle with that, ive wanted to move out desperately but i can only barely afford some of the lowest rent available for properties atm, without factoring in paying deposits first, I wont have money to even pay bills or anything, nothing for food etc. So yeah idk, i need a small kind of miracle at least right now.
I cant even rely on other family members and ive got no friends who will take me in either or could anyway. So idk what i'll do but im praying the medical service here and thus the government can do something, offer something somehow. There is supported living for people like me, my ex had to be taken away her mother as the mother was schizophrenic and kept beating my ex daily so my ex was put into supported living with a social worker or w/e. But that was when she was a teenager and she still has her support worker living with her now AFAIK.
Idk what support ill get at my age realistically speaking but im at a loss right now, i have to hope ill get/find something somehow though. Maybe I should try to become a female booba vtuber with a voice changer and get rich off simps ideally so I can move out and get my own place? Lmao.
Seriously though, thanks guys, I really appreciate the responses. Idk how im gonna get away from these genuine rabid lunatics and save myself but gonna try researching options until i find something somehow. Im at a point where i cant put up with this anymore ,i cant carry on with them and they're never gonna change purposely, they would rather let me harm myself and take my own life than ever admit fault and apologise, thats what im dealing with. Full blown radioative, toxic narcissism gone wild, uncensored.
My arm is really fucked up right now but its not bleeding at least, just looks like its gone some rounds lightly with wolverine or krueger, bit of a dark humour i guess lol.
I really wish I had knowleddge of stuff like emotional abuse, narcissism, gaslightning when i was much more younger, braver, energetic, bolder etc. my family have worn me down into almost literal dust at this point.
Even the operator recognised what my family is doing to me is abuse. But my godforsaken permanent persecution/victim complex family will never admit that. You would have an easier time getting Japan or even my country the UK to admit their war crimes ffs.
UPDATE:
I'm waiting for the clinician to call me and assess me for what help they can get me. It might take a few hours wait too. I've been more upfront about my problems and stuff ive been dealing with including hallucinations IRL and I hope that can help me a lot somehow. Even if I just end up getting put on medication at worst but ideally i would like to get some kind of supported living/respite support or a regular social worker/peer mentor or something at least too.
I wish I could just live with a support worker like one of my exes does and another ex of mine lives in supported living by herself but in more a mental health support housing association type thing, like a little community estate thing for people with neurodivergencies and mental health to live in their own apartments and get support with living independently or something like that?
For what its worth too, the medical service here is amazing for the most part, except a really nasty nurse I had to deal with a few months ago (who also was part of the reason I got suicidal and self harmed then but I digress). Most of the people in the medical service here are so kind, supportive and thorough, especially on the emergency services, in the hospitals and a podiatrist clinic I had to visit for a small foot emergency a short while ago too. They had a pug dog as listed on their staff team with his own photo on the staff board lmao.
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Thank you Flower 
..
I spent so long of my life, so much of trying to help and save others, now Im paying the consequences for neglecting myself, my own life for so long. I watched my grandmother do the same until her death and I need to save myself before I end up the same way and dying way too young too.
As much as I hate feeling pain and my traumas, they keep me from doing irreversible, fatal shit so I guess there's a silver lining somehow. its always like a sharp slap to the senses when they kick in and RKO me out of my self-life threatening meltdowns.
..I spent so long of my life, so much of trying to help and save others, now Im paying the consequences for neglecting myself, my own life for so long. I watched my grandmother do the same until her death and I need to save myself before I end up the same way and dying way too young too.
As much as I hate feeling pain and my traumas, they keep me from doing irreversible, fatal shit so I guess there's a silver lining somehow. its always like a sharp slap to the senses when they kick in and RKO me out of my self-life threatening meltdowns.
Thank you Flower ..
I spent so long of my life, so much of trying to help and save others, now Im paying the consequences for neglecting myself, my own life for so long. I watched my grandmother do the same until her death and I need to save myself before I end up the same way and dying way too young too.
As much as I hate feeling pain and my traumas, they keep me from doing irreversible, fatal shit so I guess there's a silver lining somehow. its always like a sharp slap to the senses when they kick in and RKO me out of my self-life threatening meltdowns.
..I spent so long of my life, so much of trying to help and save others, now Im paying the consequences for neglecting myself, my own life for so long. I watched my grandmother do the same until her death and I need to save myself before I end up the same way and dying way too young too.
As much as I hate feeling pain and my traumas, they keep me from doing irreversible, fatal shit so I guess there's a silver lining somehow. its always like a sharp slap to the senses when they kick in and RKO me out of my self-life threatening meltdowns.
Thats so sweet, TYSM Flower! You're gonna make me cry LOL!
I've had a few comments like that in past, I think including from you too and that means a lot. I try to bring joy, I try to make others laugh and brighten their days when I can, its what I loved about doing so much voluntary work too IRL, I felt like I was making a difference, helping others and having wonderful interactions with people who appreciated it too and were friendly. Not to brag myself up too much but the one thing I truly excelled at if anything was customer interactions or helping people in general, wherever I worked. Also bonding with animals lol, as I did an animal care course on a small city farm before too.
Funnily enough, what you said to me there was something I was saying to some certain people on here in private, one of them who has been feeling in an extremely negative way, I won't disclose who nor specifics of what they said and such, but they were in a similar state of mind but less frantic/panicky as I was and I've tried to encourage them and uplift them in a similar manner to what you said to me. Just earlier today I was doing that too, how weird lol.
Thank you though seriously, thats so very true/accurate and Ill try not to let them ruin me, they are bitter, miserable, two-faced people and they can't stand that I'm trying to not be like them, to be like that, I'm trying to be and do better, even if I keep failing and "relapsing" too.
I've had a few comments like that in past, I think including from you too and that means a lot. I try to bring joy, I try to make others laugh and brighten their days when I can, its what I loved about doing so much voluntary work too IRL, I felt like I was making a difference, helping others and having wonderful interactions with people who appreciated it too and were friendly. Not to brag myself up too much but the one thing I truly excelled at if anything was customer interactions or helping people in general, wherever I worked. Also bonding with animals lol, as I did an animal care course on a small city farm before too.
Funnily enough, what you said to me there was something I was saying to some certain people on here in private, one of them who has been feeling in an extremely negative way, I won't disclose who nor specifics of what they said and such, but they were in a similar state of mind but less frantic/panicky as I was and I've tried to encourage them and uplift them in a similar manner to what you said to me. Just earlier today I was doing that too, how weird lol.
Thank you though seriously, thats so very true/accurate and Ill try not to let them ruin me, they are bitter, miserable, two-faced people and they can't stand that I'm trying to not be like them, to be like that, I'm trying to be and do better, even if I keep failing and "relapsing" too.
Thats so sweet, TYSM Flower! You're gonna make me cry LOL!
I've had a few comments like that in past, I think including from you too and that means a lot. I try to bring joy, I try to make others laugh and brighten their days when I can, its what I loved about doing so much voluntary work too IRL, I felt like I was making a difference, helping others and having wonderful interactions with people who appreciated it too and were friendly. Not to brag myself up too much but the one thing I truly excelled at if anything was customer interactions or helping people in general, wherever I worked. Also bonding with animals lol, as I did an animal care course on a small city farm before too.
Funnily enough, what you said to me there was something I was saying to some certain people on here in private, one of them who has been feeling in an extremely negative way, I won't disclose who nor specifics of what they said and such, but they were in a similar state of mind but less frantic/panicky as I was and I've tried to encourage them and uplift them in a similar manner to what you said to me. Just earlier today I was doing that too, how weird lol.
Thank you though seriously, thats so very true/accurate and Ill try not to let them ruin me, they are bitter, miserable, two-faced people and they can't stand that I'm trying to not be like them, to be like that, I'm trying to be and do better, even if I keep failing and "relapsing" too.
I've had a few comments like that in past, I think including from you too and that means a lot. I try to bring joy, I try to make others laugh and brighten their days when I can, its what I loved about doing so much voluntary work too IRL, I felt like I was making a difference, helping others and having wonderful interactions with people who appreciated it too and were friendly. Not to brag myself up too much but the one thing I truly excelled at if anything was customer interactions or helping people in general, wherever I worked. Also bonding with animals lol, as I did an animal care course on a small city farm before too.
Funnily enough, what you said to me there was something I was saying to some certain people on here in private, one of them who has been feeling in an extremely negative way, I won't disclose who nor specifics of what they said and such, but they were in a similar state of mind but less frantic/panicky as I was and I've tried to encourage them and uplift them in a similar manner to what you said to me. Just earlier today I was doing that too, how weird lol.
Thank you though seriously, thats so very true/accurate and Ill try not to let them ruin me, they are bitter, miserable, two-faced people and they can't stand that I'm trying to not be like them, to be like that, I'm trying to be and do better, even if I keep failing and "relapsing" too.
