My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm a One Piece fan, 33 years old. I live in the northeast section of the fandom, where the only sound is the mournful wail of "Oda, what are you doing?" echoing through the empty streets. I'm not married to any particular theory anymore; they've all been brutally murdered by plot twists. I work at maintaining a facade of normalcy, while internally screaming every time a new chapter drops. I'm home by 8 PM at the latest, after drowning my sorrows in a sea of memes about how the series has peaked.
I don't smoke, but I'm considering it. I'm in bed by 11 PM, hoping for at least eight hours of sleep, but often plagued by flashbacks of Sanji's Raid Suit transformations and endless exposition dumps disguised as "world-building." I try meditation and counting devil fruits, but the only thing on my mind is the sinking feeling that this once-great ship is taking on water.
I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a Conqueror's Haki blast. Will this chapter finally give us some payoff, or will it be another 20 pages of people standing around talking about the Void Century? I check for spoilers, hoping against hope for a glimmer of excitement, but usually finding only more reasons to question my life choices. The Egghead arc was a slog, full of technobabble and plot threads that tangled into an incomprehensible knot. The pacing was slower than a snail on sedatives, the plot was more convoluted than a Gordian knot. I just want a good story, is that too much to ask?
I desire a fulfilling experience, one that doesn't make me want to hurl myself into the Calm Belt. This used to bring me joy. But now, it's like a bad relationship I can't seem to quit. Oda, you magnificent troll, you master of the bait-and-switch, please throw us a bone. The epic battles, the shocking revelations, the heartwarming moments - we're desperate for them. Don't leave us adrift in this sea of mediocrity.
Deep down, I know I'll keep reading, like a rubber man stretching my patience to its limits. But for now, I'm a jaded fan, mourning the loss of the One Piece that once set my heart ablaze.