For the past few years, I have been having recurring dreams about my days at school.
These dreams remind me of everything that was unpleasant about that time: How I couldn't follow many classes properly due to my distraction issues, how I would spend recess sitting around eating my snack alone and watching everyone around me interact with each other, and how I would sit around while everyone else did fun things on occasions like holidays, feeling sad that I wasn't part of the fun. All this due to my delayed cognitive development.
But there was one that was good and I liked it: One where I went to talk to a girl, and we kissed and made out.
I didn't need professional help to understand these dreams. I know they tell me about my strong desire to make up for those times in future new phases of studies.
I particularly like that dream about a first romantic experience I haven't had yet. It made me realize that I'm not an asexual or aromantic person, that I want to have a romantic life, that I'm a straight person, and what is my type.
Everywhere I went to school, there were girls who commented on what a beautiful boy I was and tried get close to me. I couldn't enjoy it at the time due to my bad mental state. But now I understand how I have the potential to look like an little angel in the form of a young man, and that by taking better care of my appearance and developing the social skills I lack, it will be easy for me to have a romantic life. There are a few things I don't like about my own appearance, but they're nothing that's impossible to change. I want to make these changes so that I can perceive myself as well as others perceive me.
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