Controversial Is it bad to be a virgin into your late 20s?

[FloriGlori]

Apparently the average person looses their virginity at a relatively young age.

I’m about 23, which is definitely on the older side.

I don’t think I would have an issue getting a girlfriend or having sex if I wanted to. A while back I downloaded Hinge just for fun and I was able to get a few matches within a day.

The thing is, I feel like there’s a very specific thing I want in life and I don’t want to derail my goals just for the sake of another person.

I’d like to get my masters degree
Work out and lose weight
Move somewhere up north, like New York City or Boston

Feel like only once I get what I want, will I be okay with settling down and getting married. Only then would it really make sense for me to start seriously dating people.

I feel like it’s so odd. Because if you ever go on subreddits like r/foreveralone or you listen to incels, they always talk about how miserable and humiliating it is to be a virgin in your 20s.

But idk it just seems silly. Most of my friends ended up losing their virginities in failed relationships. I just can’t see how that’s desirable.

There's nothing odd about it as long you're fine with it.

I lost my virginity at 19 and felt that was pretty late compared to my peer. In theory I was fine with being a virgin, but peer expectations made me feel uncomfortable about it in certain moments. In a social context where popularity somewhat equals attractiveness and mating success, which is imo often the case with teen guys, there's a certain social pressure on it.

However, I think that it's weird that you're contrasting getting laid/dating as the opposite of pursuing your goals (studying, working out, whatever). Dating and fucking is not that serious, and if you believe that sexual contact will completely hypnotize you to stray from your goals, thats's toxic bs imo. You can have fun and gather sexual experiences while still chasing your goals. You could even have a proper relationship and profit from loving support when you're struggling with goals.

 

[Rej]

I also never put my dick into pussy and nutted, so it's all good.

 

[BleakAsh]

Loosing virginity early or at all isn't indicative of anything of any standard by any yardstick.

Just because there is mass rampant promiscuity among the youth that usually just looses their V card willy nilly in impulsiveness, curiousity and most of all peer pressure that glorifies sex like its a standard of acceptance and a game disregarding the complexities of feelings like love and pleasure whilst simultaneously extremely conflating them, it shouldn't phase you individually as there is no innate benefit to you as an individual making the decision (something the incels don't get) .. Matter the fact its a net negative..you loose it, then you basically lose the merit of enjoying with the one you'll live with the rest of your life and in this society you are likely end up sleeping with more women you prolly never marry.. And promiscuity and materialism has its fair share of psychological consequences.


If you don't mind the tangent I'll instance my culture here, it is promoted to marry a virgin for both men and women as its a purer experience than vice versa, and its not obligated to marry and have intercourse if you have your desires intact. There are examples of scholars and companions of the prophet that obsessed with what benefits the society as a whole than use this choice of life (marriage).


Now a days you'll find yourself at peace not giving a shit about what society thinks of you not fitting such redundant criterias..its self-assuring and actually freedom of choice, but many give into this passive aggression and stigma of the society.. Fearing isolation.

 

[HeWhoHasNoEqual]

If it hasn't happened for you by 21, then it's probably not for you, ever.

Loosing virginity early or at all isn't indicative of anything of any standard by any yardstick.

It seems to be a pretty real standard of judging whether or not someone is weird IRL.

You don't see many normal 30 year old virgins, frankly. We're all on this planet to poop out the next generation. If you don't do that (for whatever reason) you're a failure by nature's standards.

 

[BleakAsh]

If it hasn't happened for you by 21, then it's probably not for you, ever.


It seems to be a pretty real standard of judging whether or not someone is weird IRL.

You don't see many normal 30 year old virgins, frankly. We're all on this planet to poop out the next generation. If you don't do that (for whatever reason) you're a failure by nature's standards.

If it hasn't happened for you by 21, then it's probably not for you, ever.


It seems to be a pretty real standard of judging whether or not someone is weird IRL.

You don't see many normal 30 year old virgins, frankly. We're all on this planet to poop out the next generation. If you don't do that (for whatever reason) you're a failure by nature's standards.

The point was there is not inherent bad in it, and obviously with contemporary standards it'd be weird but that's exactly the point.. Those standards have no moral substance hence they shouldn't be cared about, i'd even say they shouldn't even be considered . If you wanna live your life without sex GOOD FOR YOU. Besides nature doesn't require everyone to reproduce, you can contribute to humanity in many other ways than bringing life into the world.

 

[HeWhoHasNoEqual]

The point was there is not inherent bad in it, and obviously with contemporary standards it'd be weird but that's exactly the point.. Those standards have no moral substance hence they shouldn't be cared about, i'd even say they shouldn't even be considered . If you wanna live your life without sex GOOD FOR YOU. Besides nature doesn't require everyone to reproduce, you can contribute to humanity in many other ways than bringing life into the world.

Okay well first off, "morals" do not exist. Purely religious idea. Secondly, my point is that the contemporary standards are VALID.

Also, In nature nearly everyone would reproduce (besides people who died obviously, which was probably a lot of people).
I mean think about it, wtf else is there to do?

 

[Oliver]

Not sex in itself, but a sexual relationship is almost necessary (in my view) in becoming a well rounded adult.

Take the plunge virgin.

 

[trav]

I don’t think I would have an issue getting a girlfriend or having sex if I wanted to

Then why do you not do it?

I downloaded Hinge just for fun and I was able to get a few matches within a day

Algorithm playing trick on you to string you on. Its a common thing to delete profiles and make new ones to get your profile boosted.

I don’t want to derail my goals just for the sake of another person

Why do you think that both are incompatible?

Feel like only once I get what I want, will I be okay with settling down and getting married

Statistically a bad idea for a happy and lasting marriage.

go on subreddits like r/foreveralone or you listen to incels, they always talk about how miserable and humiliating it is to be a virgin in your 20s.

Why would you EVER go to places like this? lol
reddit is a circle jerk. Always. In these cases it is a circle jerk of the most bitter individuals. Same goes for any feminism subs. Just downright the worst women in existence and a cancer for society.
You talk about people who are most likely ugly or socially very inept (sometimes their ugliness lead to the other...). They have become bitter over the years (often to no fault of theirs) and have now found places of people with the same problems. It exacerbates how bad it really is (for upvotes lol). Bullshit woe is me mentality.

Being a virgin is actually meaningless if you think about it. It only matter if you attach value to it or not. If you are cool with your situation right now then why even ask? So something must be bothering you.
"Virginity" (have sex, incel!) is often used as an insult by insecure women who have no other value in their lives than laying flat on their backs and taking a dick or men with an inferiority complex.
At the end of the day, as always, the only thing that matters is what you think.

 

[BleakAsh]

Okay well first off, "morals" do not exist. Purely religious idea. Secondly, my point is that the contemporary standards are VALID.

Also, In nature nearly everyone would reproduce (besides people who died obviously, which was probably a lot of people).
I mean think about it, wtf else is there to do?

Morals are ethics... Every society has em regardless of religion. Religions defines their own morals based on Scripture etc
They doesn't create the idea of morality .
So no, Morals aren't religion centric.. There is a concept of right and wrong in every society no matter how atheistic . Anything that is deemed right or is regraded wrong for whatever reason BECOMES A MORAL STANDARD. Idk bruh that's a very absurd and ignorant take.

Also, In nature nearly everyone would reproduce (besides people who died obviously, which was probably a lot of people).
I mean think about it, wtf else is there to do?

Unless it is just limited to "you got a rod you better use it"
to premise it on "people around you hump around so you should to" doesn't make it valid (correct, right, obligatory ) that's subjective there is no objective reason why he should comply with modern promiscuous standards (i'd argue there is an objective reasons not to tho but that's a tangent)

Why are they valid? Do they have inherent good in them? An inherent benefit?

How can you deduce that its valid without a moral anchor?

I don't think this is proper reasoning, he could have just for pleasure and not thinking of benefit or loss, and he could not do that for the same reason there is no harm in it and it shouldn't dictate who he is on a social ladder. And for the society to dictate people who don't have sex with or without a reason to segregate them or to think ill of them.. Is what's OBJECTIVELY wrong with it if that's whats happening, it ironically for you is enforcing a moral standard that judges people based on their promiscuity.

I repeat there is no inherent harm in not having sex especially when the majority in the world would be reproducing, so it doesn't necessitate you to reproduce.. And opens you to more choices in life.

 

[NAMELESS]

Okay well first off, "morals" do not exist. Purely religious idea. Secondly, my point is that the contemporary standards are VALID.

Also, In nature nearly everyone would reproduce (besides people who died obviously, which was probably a lot of people).
I mean think about it, wtf else is there to do?

You study moral x ethics in law school btw. It doesn't necessarily mean its related to religion.

 

[HeWhoHasNoEqual]

You study moral x ethics in law school btw. It doesn't necessarily mean its related to religion.

The concept of "right" and "wrong" which is where all morals stem from, comes from religion.

In nature, you will see a lion hunt the baby Antelope, since it's easier than the adult. It's the same with humans (since we're animals too).
The truth is that every animal is a consumption machine, and we're all designed to consume and spread. Even plants and trees do this. They consume, and expand, to consume and expand more.

Thats the law of our reality as reproducing organisms.

There are some things that naturally feel "wrong" like kicking a baby. Unless someone is really damaged, they won't kick a baby. However you could maybe imagine a scenario where someone would EAT a baby if they're forced in such a scenario. If you think that's morally wrong, imagine a lion instead being forced to eat the baby. Would you still think the lion is "wrong?"
Probably not because the lion can't think any better.

But the reality is, no human can "think better" either. Our entire actions, beliefs and thoughts are chosen for us by nature.

 

[NAMELESS]

The concept of "right" and "wrong" which is where all morals stem from, comes from religion.

In nature, you will see a lion hunt the baby Antelope, since it's easier than the adult. It's the same with humans (since we're animals too).
The truth is that every animal is a consumption machine, and we're all designed to consume and spread. Even plants and trees do this. They consume, and expand, to consume and expand more.

Thats the law of our reality as reproducing organisms.

There are some things that naturally feel "wrong" like kicking a baby. Unless someone is really damaged, they won't kick a baby. However you could maybe imagine a scenario where someone would EAT a baby if they're forced in such a scenario. If you think that's morally wrong, imagine a lion instead being forced to eat the baby. Would you still think the lion is "wrong?"
Probably not because the lion can't think any better.

But the reality is, no human can "think better" either. Our entire actions, beliefs and thoughts are chosen for us by nature.

No,it doesn't. It comes from human reasoning. Way back in the day we figured out some types of behaviors are bad for the survival of the community(stealing,killing,banging married women...) and so we started to punish this acts.

Post automatically merged: Jan 15, 2024

If it hasn't happened for you by 21, then it's probably not for you, ever.


It seems to be a pretty real standard of judging whether or not someone is weird IRL.

You don't see many normal 30 year old virgins, frankly. We're all on this planet to poop out the next generation. If you don't do that (for whatever reason) you're a failure by nature's standards.

What a load of bullshit.A few generations ago it was common to be virgin in your late 20 or early 30 because people waited until marriage.

 

[HeWhoHasNoEqual]

@NAMELESS
A few generations ago people got married a lot younger. Yes they waited till marriage, but they got married at 25 or even earlier.

Nowadays the common age of marriage and childbirth is 28-30.

Not sure why you are trying to lie in this argument, or maybe you just didn't know. Either way, I think you can bow out of this conversation. You may be right and I may be wrong, but you clearly do not have the power to argue your side.

 

[BleakAsh]

@NAMELESS
A few generations ago people got married a lot younger. Yes they waited till marriage, but they got married at 25 or even earlier.

Nowadays the common age of marriage and childbirth is 28-30.

Not sure why you are trying to lie in this argument, or maybe you just didn't know. Either way, I think you can bow out of this conversation. You may be right and I may be wrong, but you clearly do not have the power to argue your side.

There is no agree to disagree here dude.. You got it very wrong objectively speaking here

To say morals are a product of religion is really asinine

Religion is a belief system like any other that govern life, So is liberalism,stoicism, humanism, and any other secular belief system.

You can't bring morality into existence as much as you can't bring ABSOLUTE TRUTH into existence.

Its just a label to define something as objective good or in ABSOLUTE TRUTH's case the most credible legitimate idea or principle etc..

That being said absolute truth and morality do exist even if it can be labeled incorrectly to something contrary.

Absolute truth being obvious choices
Like a ball in a box example:
The odds of it being inflated and deflated when you open it are 50/50, you can guess the contrary of the reality meaning you can assume its deflated and it turns out to be inflated.. But the odds of it being inflated AND delated deflated (these 2 choices solely) is impossible as its logically contradictory. So there must be an absolute truth / reality, that its either inflated or delated.

You can apply the same to morality if certain things are morals goods and bads then there must be objective morals.. Like raping is evil, murder, is evil, charity with humble intentions make for a W human etc

 

[Monkey D Theories]

Then why do you not do it?
.

I feel like I care a lot more about finding the right person, than being with any person.

I have high standards but I myself don’t measure up to those standards, so I feel like I need to grow as a person to become the type of person I would be attracted to, if that makes any sense.

 

[EmperorKinyagi]

This thread and all of the takes in it

 

[BleakAsh]

I feel like I care a lot more about finding the right person, than being with any person.

I have high standards but I myself don’t measure up to those standards, so I feel like I need to grow as a person to become the type of person I would be attracted to, if that makes any sense.

Its hard but may you find the one and only.. Maybe 2nd if the first doesn't work out.

What matters is the peace you both nurture with eachother for yourselves and for your offsprings.

And i get that inner struggle

Ig one's never at peace or could think of taking such steps unless they are at terms with themselves first.

 

[Doggo]

I’d like to get my masters degree
Work out and lose weight
Move somewhere up north, like New York City or Boston

Not sure why any of this is a reason to not have sex, BUT, you do what you feel is right for you.
Do this at your own pace.
Idk.

 

[Toby D. Dog]

Not sure why any of this is a reason to not have sex, BUT, you do what you feel is right for you.
Do this at your own pace.
Idk.

my thoughts exactly.

 

[Krusher1357]

Whilst it's not exactly out of the norm I think it's expected that certain people won't be very tolerant of the fact and it'll probably lead to a lot of uncomfortable questions. As long as you are fine with judgement from irrelevant people and uncomfortable questions it's nothing big